Always Yours, Forever Mine
by dsmrm2023
Summary: This is a Bella/Jasper story that starts with a mysterious event and chronicles events in Bella's POV. Sometimes even when you're seven you know who you're supposed to spend the rest of life with. Your love can survive anything, or so you think...
1. Getting Through It

_**This i**_**s **_**something new that I have been working on… I hope you like it… please review… I need the feedback to know if I should continue… oh and p.s. I do not own these characters, Stephanie meyer does, but the story is all mine…**_

When I woke up it was a foggy, cold day. I could feel a chill deep in my bones and I wasn't sure if it was the cold weather or the part of my soul that was now gone. It seemed as if God himself was unhappy about the events that were to take place today. As I was debating whether or not to get up my mom walked in with a cup of coffee and sat on my bed. I couldn't look at her as she tried to talk to me so instead I got up, grabbed my towel, and locked myself in my bathroom.

As I let the hot water loosen up my tense muscles I let out a sob that only I knew I could hear. The one good thing about showers, I've come to learn, is that the water is able to hide the tracks of my tears. As soon as I stopped crying I was able to finish my shower, all I wanted to do was crawl back in my bed and rewind the past week. I got out of the shower and wrapped a towel around my hair and another around my body. When I walked into my room I wasn't surprised to see my two best friends sitting on my bed waiting for me.

I knew why they were t here and I let them do what they needed to do. They dressed me, did my hair, did my make up, and made me breakfast. I was only able to eat a half a piece of toast and sip some water. If I would have eaten anything else I think I would have vomited. Finally my mom came into the kitchen and announced that it was time to go. I couldn't move, I wouldn't move, I didn't want it to be real. I held in the sob I knew was coming and braced myself for the day ahead.

I held it together until we got in the car, then I silently let the tears roll down my cheeks. My mom offered me a tissue and I refused. I would never wipe these tears away, every tear held a memory, an emotion, my life. We finally arrived at our destination and my body became numb. The time had finally come and I couldn't deal with it. I couldn't deal with all the people, all the questions, all the stares. I needed time to be alone so I snuck off and had a cigarette. I hadn't smoked in 5 years but that all changed with one phone call.

When I walked back over to the car my mom and two best friends were standing there waiting for me. As we walked into the building they never left my side. I looked over to the left and I saw him. I walked over to him and hugged what I could. Then I kissed his cheeks, kissed his lips, kissed his forehead and then walked away. I couldn't look at him any longer, especially with everyone staring at me. I walked into the bathroom and was followed by my mom and my two best friends. The whole time I was in the stall they didn't say one word. They let me cry all I needed to. I was scared, I was worried, I was in shock. I didn't know how this was all going to turn out. I just wanted it to be over. I finally pulled myself together and came out of the stall. I washed my hands, blew my nose, and stood tall. I needed all my strength if I was going to get through this.

We walked out into the entry way and it was deserted so I walked over to him one last time and laid my hand on his cheek and put my head on his chest. I wanted him to say something but no words came out, there was just silence. I gave him one final kiss and then slipped a letter into his jacket pocket and walked inside where everyone was gathered. The next forty-five minutes passed by in a blur. I couldn't hear a word of what people were telling me. All I could do was smile and nod for fear that my voice would betray me.

As we got back in the car I noticed that my hands were shaking. I tried to ignore it but it kept getting worse and worse. My anxiety and stress were getting the better of me and there was nothing I could do to stop the panic attack that was mounting in my chest. After a bottle of water, two xanax, a cigarette, and a few minutes passed I was finally able to catch my breath and relax for a second. When we made it to our next destination I sat in the first available chair and avoided as many people as possible. My mom and my two best friends were next to me the entire time. As we were waiting for everything to start I was lost in my memories. I was taken back to a simpler time, I was taken back to the beginning…

_**Sooooo… whatcha think??? I hope you like… see you next chapter**_

_**Xoxoxo**_

_**Dsmrm2023**_


	2. Checking The Yes Box

_**Here is chapter 2. I hope that you like it… let me know what you think… happy reading…**_

I was seven years old, playing in my back yard, when all of the sudden a pair of hands went over my eyes.

"Guess who it is?" said the familiar boys' voice. "Hmm… I don't know I think this is a tough one," I replied.

"Oh come on Bella, you know it's me! You're hurting my feelings." He said in a pout.

I instantly felt bad for hurting my best friends' feelings and turned to face him, I wrapped my arms around him and embraced him in a hug,

"I'm sorry Jasper, please don't be mad at me. I knew it was you, honest I did. I'd know your voice anywhere."

It was the truth; I would know his voice anywhere. Jasper and I had been best friends since birth, his dad and my mom were best friends and when I was born Jasper was my first visitor. This particular memory was very fond to me; this was when he first asked me to be his girlfriend.

"You know Bella there is one way that you can make it up to me."

I looked at him skeptically, "How's that?"

He took a deep breath and said, "You can be my girlfriend."

To say I was shocked was an understatement. Even at seven years old I knew that I loved this boy, I knew that he was it for me, he was my future, my life. But at that moment I decided to play hard to get,

"why would I want to be your girlfriend? Aren't you afraid that Edward and Emmett will make fun of you?"

He looked like I slapped him in the face,

"I don't care what they think" he said in a small voice, then he got mad,

"but if you care what people are going to say then fine, don't be my girlfriend, forget I said anything."

Then he turned on his heel and started walking away from me, and then I saw that he had flowers hanging out of his back pocket and what looked like a box in the other. He grabbed the flowers and threw them on the ground and kept on walking. I ran after him as fast as I could and was screaming for him to stop,

"Please, Jasper don't be mad at me. I don't care what they think either, what anyone thinks, not even Rosalie and Alice. Please don't leave like this. Japer stop."

He finally stopped but wouldn't turn to face me. So instead I walked around him and stood face to face with him.

"I'm sorry Jasper, I do want to be your girlfriend, I do I do, just please don't be mad at me. Jasper can I please be your girlfriend?"

I begged and Pleaded for what seemed like forever. Then he got a smirk on his face and said,

"Gosh Bells, fine you can be my girlfriend, you didn't have to beg. I didn't know you wanted me so bad."

He giggled and I swung.

"Jasper Whitlock you ought to be ashamed of yourself! You scared me half to death. Get out of my yard and don't come back. I don't want to be your best friend anymore, so I sure don't want to be your girlfriend."

With that I left him lying on the dirt as I headed into my house and slammed and locked the front door behind me. I was so mad and sad that I went straight past my mom and into my room without a word as Jasper pounded on my front door and was screaming apologies. My mom came to my door and asked me what she should do and I told her to tell him to go away. I waited a few seconds and then I heard here speak,

"I'm sorry Jasper but Bella doesn't want to see you right now."

"Please Renee, I have to see her, I have to say I'm sorry."

"I'm sorry Jasper, she's upset. Why don't you come back later?"

"Can I leave her something?"

"Sure you can darling" after that I heard the door shut and heard my mom walking towards my room.

"Bella darling, Jasper wanted me to give you something."

"Just leave it by the door please. I'm sorry mommy, I don't feel like talking."

I tried to hide the tears in my voice but she knew that I was crying.

"It's ok Bella, I'm gonna make some lunch, I'll be in the kitchen if you need me."

I waited till she left and then went to my door to see what Jasper had left me. There was a little white jewelry box waiting for me on the floor in front of my door. I picked it up and went and sat on my bed and opened it. Inside was a little gold ring with what looked like three diamonds in the center. Along with that there was a folded up letter and a tiny picture of him and I at my last birthday party. I read the letter and started to feel the tears surfacing as I knew that I had made a huge mistake. My letter read,

Dear Bella,

Would you make me the happiest kid in the world and be my girlfriend? I want you to know that I love you and I don't care what anyone else says. You are it for me, I will love no other and my heart will always be yours. Check the yes box if you say yes and if your gonnna check the no box then I guess I will just leave you alone. Please say yes!

I love you

Jasper

I ran into the kitchen and showed my mom.

"What should I do mommy?" I asked.

"Well Bella what do you want to do? I know that you like him and he obviously likes you. Why don't you go over to Jaspers and invite him over for lunch? The girls will be here in a few and I'm sure that Edward and Emmett will be over at Jaspers by now."

I agreed so I went into the bathroom and washed my face, and then I put on my new ring and checked off the yes box. I slipped the picture of us into my back pocket and was on my way over to Jaspers. He only lived three doors down so I didn't have to go far. I knocked on the door and was greeted by his mom,

"Hello Bella"

"Hi Esme, is Jasper here? I really need to talk to him."

"Of course dear, let me go get him."

I waited patiently on the porch for Jasper to come out. I felt like I was waiting for an eternity. Finally the door opened and I was greeted with not only Jasper but Edward and Emmett as well.

"Hi guys, is it ok if I talk to Jasper for a second?"

"Whatever you need to say to me you can say in front of them. Unlike you Bella I don't care what they think."

I felt a little sting in my heart as he said those words but I knew that the only way to make it right was to say it. I didn't care what Edward and Emmett thought but I didn't want our first words as a couple to be heard by the boys so I simply said,

"my mom wanted me to invite you guys over for lunch. She's making hamburgers and she knows how much you guys like her homemade French fries."

Then I leaned into Jasper and placed the letter in his hand and whispered in his ear,

"I checked the yes box and I'm wearing my ring"

then I perked up and saw his shocked face and said,

"Hope I see you guys soon"

with that I walked away and knew that that day was going to forever change my life.

_**Soooo whatcha think? Hope you like it… review please…**_

_**Xoxoxo**_

_**Dsmrm2023**_


	3. The First Breakup

_**Hey guys, here is chapter three I hope that you all like it. Thank you so much for the reviews and for everyone that put my story on alert. It made me want to write write write!!!! Happy reading…**_

While I was sitting in silence my hand clasped my necklace, on the chain was a tiny gold ring with what looked like 3 diamonds in the center. I clung to it for dear life and remembered the first break up. It was the summer before junior high and a lot of stuff was starting to change. I could feel the emotions start to change between us, for me they were getting stronger and it seemed like he was growing distant. Then it came time for "the talk". It was a Thursday afternoon and it was right after my twelfth birthday, Jasper had come over and he didn't have that happy grin that he normally had when he saw me so I knew that something was up. I can't say I was completely blindsided but I was surprised, I thought that we were going to be together forever and now it seemed like that was just a dream and it would never be a reality. We didn't say anything to each other, we both just walked outside and into the backyard to the tire swing. I sat down and he started to push me and that's how it all started.

"Bells I think we need to talk"

"About what?"

"I've been thinking and you know I love you but I have to be honest with myself and if I'm being honest with myself then I think that we are better off as friends. I don't want us being together to ruin our friendship and if we stay together then I think that we will ruin the friendship"

I was hurt, sad, angry, but above all I was heartbroken.

"So you mean to tell me Jasper that the last five years have been nothing? That after five years together you choose now to tell me that you think us breaking up would be better? Do you want to know what I think? Because it seems to me that I have no choice in this matter, you've made up your mind without even giving two shits about me. So before you open your mouth to protest let me tell you what I think. I think that since we are going into junior high you want to be single so that you can explore your options. You don't want to be tied down to anyone so that you don't have to feel guilty about hurting anyone. Well you know what Jasper, you failed, and you hurt me more than you can know."

He opened his mouth to speak but I didn't want to hear any excuse that he had to give me.

"I'm done talking to you Jasper. Just go away, I don't want you here anymore."

He tried to get closer to me and I wasn't having any of it. He put out a hand to me and pushed it away and yelled at him with everything I had in me.

"DON'T TOUCH ME… WHY ARE YOU STILL HERE? JUST GO AWAY JASPER I DON'T EVER WANT TO TALK TO YOU AGAIN, YOU'RE GETTING WHAT YOU WANT, GO SEE OTHER PEOPLE, JUST LEAVE. ME. ALONE."

I left him standing in my back yard as I made my way into my house and slammed and locked the door. I ran into my room and shut the door and cried until I fell asleep. When I woke up I was greeted by my two best friends, Alice and Rosalie. They were sitting on my bed with a big tub of Neapolitan ice cream and three really big soup spoons. Alice was the first to speak,

"I brought movies! And rose and I both swear to not bring up what happened unless you want to talk about it. And we are both staying the night so whatever you want to do just let us know. Even if you just want to sleep all night. Or if you want to dress all in black and sneak over to Jaspers house and beat up him and the boys. Just let us know."

I was so grateful to have girlfriends like them. I promised myself that I wasn't going to cry so instead I put my hand out and said,

"Spoon me."

Both Rosalie and Alice let out a "yay" and then Rosalie put down the ice cream and said,

"So, we brought slasher movies, we figured that you wouldn't want to watch anything romantic or sappy."

"Well you guessed right. I think if I did watch something sappy I would lose my mind. Thank you guys so much for coming over. I don't know if I could have made it through this night without you."

Then Rosalie said, "You have been with Alice and I through a lot and were best friends, there is no way that we would let you go through this alone. Besides now that we aren't going to be spending all this time with the boys' maybe Emmett might FINALLY leave me alone. He's cute and all but sometimes he acts like he is still in first grade."

Emmett really liked Rose but he never could just say it so instead he turned into an idiot when he was around her. Rosalie was always beautiful. For as long as I can remember she has had long beautiful blonde hair and ice blue eyes that you could get lost in. To say she was beautiful was an understatement. She was going to grow up to be a knock out that was for sure, but I remember talking with Emmett about why he liked Rose and it had nothing to do with her looks. He said that she was unlike any other girl that he had ever met. She was "deep" and he could actually "relate" to her. Call me crazy but I wanted to see them together. But I also knew that when he started acting like an idiot he got on Rosalie's last nerve.

That night my girls comforted me and made me forget about what had happened but when they fell asleep I was left awake on my own and my thoughts automatically wondered to where they shouldn't and I was left thinking about Jasper. I silently cried myself to sleep and dreamt that night of me and Jasper together and happy.

_**Soooo… whatcha think??? Please review review REVIEW I'm hoping for at least 4 this chapter… new chapter should be up within the week but if you want to read more of my stuff then you can check out another story that I'm working on. It's called chance encounters and you can access it through my profile. Thank you guys again for reading and reviewing, I love each and every one of you!!!**_

**_Dsmrm2023_**


	4. Jessica

_**I'm so sorry that it has taken me this long to post this chapter. It's been a busy few weeks and writers block sucks. Hope you all enjoy this chapter. It's kind of long and kind of sad, but it is a necessary evil. Happy reading…**_

A silent tear fell down my cheek at the memory. Little did I know what that break up would do to my life.

I started to separate myself from my friends and especially my family. My mother tried to understand what I was going through but at the end of the day every time I tried to explain my thoughts it felt like a sledge hammer was being thrown into my heart. When she tried to talk to me I would get mad and explode at her. Eventually we stopped talking, and I really was alone.

Rosalie and Alice tried to get through the wall that I had put up but being around them just reminded me of Jasper and all of the memories that we had. The more distance I put between me and them the more I could cope with this feeling that I had, or so I thought. No matter what I did I always felt that hole in my heart. Sometimes it was bigger and sometimes it was smaller but it was always there, until I met Jessica.

The first day of junior high was rough. When I got out of the car the first person I saw was Jasper. He started walking over to me and I panicked. I walked right past him and ran right into the girl's bathroom where I knew he couldn't follow. Coming out of the stall was a punky looking girl who looked me up and down and said,

"You look like shit."

I didn't say anything back to her, instead I just cried. I knew I looked horrible. I was paler then I had ever been, and because every time I tried to eat I would almost always throw up, I was thinner then I had ever been. I knew that I looked sick but I didn't care. Jessica asked me what was wrong and I told her the whole story. After I finished she just stared at me like I had a unicorn horn on my forehead. Then she said,

"Well he sounds like an asshole. And I think I have just the thing you need to forget him."

She reached into her backpack and pulled out a little bag. In that bag were a tiny mirror, a straight razor, a straw, and a baggy filled with what looked like flour. I asked her what it was and she said it was "happy medicine". I knew instantly that it was drugs and all of my red flags went up. I started to stammer and tell her that I didn't do drugs but she just giggled at me and said,

"When I'm having a bad day I take a little happy medicine and everything is right in the world. It's not an everyday thing, just something that gives me a little get up and go. And you definitely need some get up and go. Just try it and if you don't like it then you don't have to do it again."

She made a little cross across her heart and said,

"I promise".

I didn't care that I knew I shouldn't do it. I just wanted to be happy again, and I was willing to do anything in order to get that happiness. She lined up the drugs and handed me the straw. The last thing I thought was, _here's to forgetting you Jasper, _and that was the start to a very not so good friendship.

I turned into a wild child and through caution to the wind. I was using every day and barely passing my classes. My mother saw the change in me and knew that it wasn't good. I didn't care that she was worried about me and when she tried to forbid me from seeing my new best friend I just laughed in her face and snuck out of the house. I was always out till all hours of the night and I was constantly in trouble at school.

Everyone thought that it was just reckless behavior and acting out, no one ever thought that I was using cocaine on a daily basis. It was the only handle I had on life, and I wasn't willing to give it up. All of 7th grade passed in a blur and that summer, in an attempt to keep me away from Jessica, my mom sent me to live with my dad. It was only an hour away but it was a tiny little boring town and I was miserable every time I was there.

But there was nothing that could keep me and Jessica apart. She found a way to get to where I was every day, and every day we did drugs and partied like it was going out of style. She was my handle on life and I didn't know what I would do if she wasn't in it. All of the money that I got from my mom, dad, grandma, uncle, aunt, or anyone else went to Jessica and our habit. I couldn't live without this new happiness, and I refused to live without it.

Eventually my dad couldn't handle me anymore and right before my birthday I was sent to live with my mother again. I would sneak Jessica into my room or I would sneak out to meet her. But we were always together and I was always high. Any time I felt like I was coming down I would freak out and start looking for my next fix. It was on one of those days that I ran into Jasper while I was sneaking out. He was the last person I wanted to see and the last person I wanted to talk to. But he was determined and I was just too weak to resist. I wasn't expecting what came out of his mouth.

"WHAT THE HELL IS YOUR PROBLEM ISABELLA? HOW THE HELL DID YOU GET LIKE THIS? YOU'RE NOTHING BUT A WORTHLESS JUNKIE!"

I was so pissed off that I just yelled back without even realizing the tears rolling down my cheeks.

"THE ONLY REASON IM A WORTHLESS JUNKIE IS BECAUSE OF YOU. IF YOU WANNA KNOW WHY I STARTED USING IT'S BECAUSE OF YOU. YOU PUNCHED A WHOLE IN MY HEART AND IT NEVER HEALED."

He stared at me in shock as I sobbed, I started to lose feeling in my legs and he caught me as I fell. He wrapped his arms around me and told me that it was all going to be ok. I was so upset that what I said next came out in a whisper,

"You broke me Jazz, you broke my heart and it's never healed. This is the only way I know how to be happy without you. If you're looking for someone to blame then look in the mirror, it's your fault. Just go away Jasper, leave me alone. Don't pretend to care when you don't. The last thing I need is your sympathy."

"But Bella I lov…"

"DON'T YOU EVER TELL ME YOU LOVE ME EVER AGAIN. YOU DON'T LOVE ME, YOU NEVER LOVED ME, AND YOU'RE JUST SELFISH. I HATE YOU."

With that I got up and ran away. I left him sitting in the middle of the street and I cried all the way to Jessica's. When I finally got there all I wanted to do was erase what happened. I threw a twenty dollar bill on the table and grabbed a straw. As soon as that delicious white powder hit the back of my sinus cavity, calm surrounded my entire body and I felt like all was right in the world. This became my routine more and more as the days passed. As soon as I felt my high start to fall I would automatically bring it right back up. I couldn't allow myself to feel any pain.

School started again and it sucked. The entire first semester rolled on by and during winter break I was more than reckless. One night as I was sneaking out I was caught by a now massive Emmett. Who pushed me right back into my window. When I got back into my room Rosalie, Alice, Edward, Emmett, Jasper, my mother and I were in my room. They had staged an intervention, and I was pissed. They all wrote me letters and read them to me and I cried. I cried because I knew that I was hurting every single one of them. But at that point I didn't care. All I wanted was to be happy and if that meant that I needed to hurt them to be happy then so be it. I fought my way out of my room and ran over to Jessica's.

When I got there I slammed a hundred dollar bill on the table that I stole from my mother and demanded my drugs. I did two lines with Jessica and then went home. I walked through the front door, through the living room, and into my room where I slammed the door. I passed all of their shocked faces and each one of those faces was burned into my mind. As I locked myself in my room I couldn't erase them like I always did. They wouldn't go away and no matter how many lines I did they were still there. I just wanted them to go away and so I did more and more. The last thing I remember was passing out on my bed.

When I woke up I was in the hospital and I was handcuffed to my bed. I looked at my mom who was sitting right by my bedside and she was crying while holding my hand. It was then that I realized that I had overdosed. I started to cry as I realized that I was given a second chance. It was my first sober moment in over a year. The hole in my heart was bigger than ever and I felt like I couldn't breathe. But my mother was there to comfort me and hold me as I cried. The only thing that I could say in between sobs was "I love you" and "I'm sorry". After I calmed down I realized again that I was handcuffed. I looked down in confusion and my mother spoke.

"I had to call 911 since I knew that you were overdosing. After the ambulance took you away the cops asked me what they wanted me to do with you. And as much as it hurts me to do this to you, I told them to press charges. You're going to jail as soon as you're better and after that you will need to complete the punishment given to you. I'm sorry but it's for your own good. Just remember that I love you."

With tears down her face she left me in the hospital room. The next day I was sent to the juvenile facility and the next week was my court date. Since I was a first time offender I was only given probation and released back into my mother's care. As much as I said that I didn't want to go back to my old ways I snuck out of my house and I went to see Jessica.

I missed her, I was sad, and as much as I hated to admit it, I needed a fix. When I got to Jessica's house she handed me a baggie and told me to be careful this time. I did a few lines before I left her house and on the way home I got stopped by the cops. My mom called the cops on me and told them to arrest me. So back to jail I went. The next day I was in court and the day after that I was on a plane and on my way to rehab.

While I was packing a bag I found my vial of cocaine that I hid for emergencies. I packed it and did it in the airport. When I got to rehab I was coming down, and I was coming down hard. It was a long hard road in rehab but it was what I needed. I spent three months in there and I did school by correspondence. Day by day the hole in my heart started to get smaller and smaller as I realized that I was the one to blame for my drug usage. I was responsible for my actions and I did what I did for my own selfish reasons. The more I realized that the smaller the hole got. Although it would never completely close until I finally saw him.

I was scared to go home but home was where I was headed. The one person that I didn't want to see was waiting for me when I got off the plane. Jasper was standing there with all of my friends and my parents. I felt bad for blaming him for my insecurities. And I knew that I needed to make amends. I just didn't think that I would have to do it so soon. I walked right up to him and the first thing out of my mouth was "I'm sorry" and the second was "I love you" I cried into his chest and he wrapped his arms around me and he said exactly what I needed to hear, "I forgive you, and I will always love you" and I knew that it was true. No matter what happened in the future weather we were together or not, he would always love me and I would always love him. I would always be his, and he would forever be mine.

_**So what did you think??? I hope you liked it. I would appreciate some feedback!!! So please review, review, REVIEW!!! Love you all….**_

_**Dsmrm2023**_


	5. The Bon Fire

**I know you guys are all really REALLY mad at me and I don't blame you. All I can say is that I'm really sorry. Real life just so happened to get in the way and it sucked. But, I am now back and ready to write. So I will stop yammering and let you read... enjoy!**

I was starting to feel a little light headed and dizzy and soon enough everything went black. I felt like I was being sucked into a dream and I didn't want to wake up. I was at my 8th grade graduation and I was ecstatic to be able to graduate with my class. I walked across that stage with overwhelming pride, I had defeated my demon and my reward was my diploma. After graduation Jasper, Edward, Emmett, Rosalie, Alice, and I made plans to meet after we had dinner with our families. We decided to go to our spot, walking along the creek to the beach. After dinner I was in my room changing and I heard a light tap on my window. When I opened it up I saw Jasper on bended knee with a present in his hands. I smiled at him and said.

"Well hello there fair prince"

"Fair Bella, please accept this gift as token of my love and affection"

I reached out and grabbed his hand pulling him up to greet him with a kiss. This kiss was present enough for me. All too soon he broke our kiss and handed me my present. I backed up and let him in and started to open the beautiful box. Inside was a pouch and inside the pouch was silver necklace with a heart pendant. On the front of the heart were two initials "_J&I" _for Jasper and Isabella and on the back was engraved _"Il mio cuore e sempre con ti"_ which simply meant "my heart is always yours". A silent tear betrayed me; Jasper saw it and said,

"I didn't mean to make you cry"

"It's a happy tear. With everything that has happened over the past two years I didn't think that we would ever be back to this place. I thought I had lost it all and now I'm realizing that I didn't. You were here all along and I just couldn't see it."

He put his arms around me and let me cry. That was until Emmett came bursting through the door.

"If you guys are done reciting your love vows to each other we would like to get going now"

And then he left the room. Jasper and I laughed and then joined the others in the living room. Alice and Rosalie gave me knowing smiles and looks that said 'we want details' which I would willingly give them in due time. As we left the house I felt like I was finally at peace with my life, I had everything that I could always want. I had a wonderful yet dysfunctional family, great friends, my health, my sobriety, but above all I had the love of a man that I knew would never stop loving me. To say I was blessed was an understatement.

When we finally made it to the beach I was surprised to see some of our friends already there and the bon fire was roaring. Jasper and I settled into a snug spot in the sand by the fire and I was comfortable and relaxed with him behind me and his arms around me. We sat in a comfortable silence as I watched our friends socialize and mingle. What I was shocked to discover was that Rosalie had finally given into Emmett and they were holding hands and exchanging chaste kisses. I was happy for them and glad that Rose could finally see in Emmett what I had since the first day I met him. Goof as he was, he was also incredibly kind, caring, compassionate, and loving. I was happy that Rosalie was with a man that was going to treat her the way she deserved.

And then I saw Alice and Edward. That one I saw coming a mile away. There was always something between the two of them and we always knew that they were going to be together. It was incredibly cute to see them sitting together on the beach wrapped up in a blanket and exchanging innocent kisses. My heart swelled at seeing the happiness around me. It was as if I had been living in a dark room for the past two years and now I was living in house with nothing but windows to allow the sunshine in. I did feel little pangs of guilt as I realized that when I sunk into my depression I sucked my best friends into it as well. But I made a silent promise to them and myself that night that I was never going to be the source of their displeasure ever again.

Jasper and I eventually got up and walked along the water with nothing but the moonlight as our guide. Hand in hand we walked in a comfortable silence, we would steel glances at one another and every time I saw him look at me I could see the love in his eyes. I felt like the only woman in the world and he the only man. I could spend forever in his arms and be content. He stopped us suddenly and then gently took me in his arms. He brought a hand up to my face and cupped my cheek and slowly placed his lips on mine. As the kiss started to get more urgent I woke up. I was sucked out of my memory and instantly I felt my heart breaking.

**I know that this chapter was kind of short but I wanted to get something out to you before I felt even more guilty... Anywho please review, I've missed the feedback. I will try to repond to everyone as soon as I can. Love you guys!!!**

**xoxoxo**

**Dsmrm2023  
**


	6. Anniversaries and First Times

_**HEY ALL! SO HERE IS CHAPTER SIX! I HOPE YOU ALL LOVE IT AS MUCH AS I ENJOYED WRITING IT... IF YOU NEED A DISCLAIMER SEE PREVIOUS CHAPTERS! HAPPY READING...**_

I assured everyone that I was fine and that I just needed a few minutes to be on my own. I couldn't help the sobs that were rising up in my chest and I knew that I needed to get away from everyone until I could compose myself. As I was walking to the car my mind was being flooded with past memories. It took all that I had not to collapse again. Memory upon memory upon memory was like a stab to the heart until my mind focused on one of the most important. It was as if my mind wanted me to relive all of these painful memories and I couldn't understand why. As I leaned up against the car I watched the memory play in my head and couldn't help the tiny smile that crept across my face…

The summer between Junior high and High school flew by. It was inching towards the end of summer and I loved my life. I was now fourteen and I had made the cheerleading squad. Of course the only reason why I joined in the first place was because Rosalie and Alice forced me. Their reasoning was that since all three of the boys had made the football team, and we were their girlfriends, we needed to be cheerleaders. To be honest, I was actually glad that I made it. I needed something to fill my time as I tried to deal with my sobriety. So as it turned out I was actually quite good at cheerleading. Clumsy as I was, I managed to make co-captain with Rosalie and Alice.

We had just got back from cheer camp and it was such a long week without my Jasper. Apparently he felt the same way since he was waiting for me on my front porch as we pulled into the driveway. I ran out of the car and jumped right into his waiting arms. He picked me up and I wrapped my legs around him as we smothered each other in sweet kisses. I felt like the luckiest girl alive and I was thanking God everyday for what he blessed me with. Jasper let me down and said to me,

"Happy anniversary my love"

I had almost forgotten… almost. I made my mother stop on the way home so I could get a card and I knew that I was going to have to scramble to finish the surprise I had for him. I blushed at his remembrance and said in reply,

"Happy anniversary. Did you think I would forget?"

"Actually, yes I did."

I gave him a shocked look and said in a hurt yet loving tone,

"I could never forget how much I love you. This means that I could never forget that you love me too. This most definitely means that I would never forget to celebrate the day our love started together."

Then he placed a hand on either side of my face and placed a soft chaste kiss on my lips. All too soon he pulled away and said to me

"You need to get ready… I have nothing but surprises for you my love… pick you up at 7"

One more kiss and he was gone. I ran into the house and called Rosalie and Alice, and they both said that they would be over in less than ten minutes to help me get ready which meant that I had less than ten minutes to shower. I took the shortest shower known to man and was just walking out of the bathroom when I got bombarded by Alice and Rosalie. Hair brushes and blow dryers, eye shadow and brushes, you name it… I was hit with it. I was so glad that I had these two to help me. If it had been up to me I would have been in jeans and a t-shirt with my hair up in a messy bun and no make-up. By the time they were done with my hair and make-up I had no idea what I was going to wear, that was until I walked into my room and saw a beautiful dress sprawled across my bed. It was a strapless, knee length, cobalt blue dress. It was tight around the bust and flowed out the rest of the way. It was gorgeous and I knew that Jasper had picked it out to match his beautiful eyes. As the tears started to well up in my eyes I heard a very loud reprimand from Rosalie,

"ISABELLA MARIE SWAN, YOU WILL NOT CRY UNTIL THE END OF THIS EVENING DO YOU UNDERSTAND? I DID NOT SPEND ALL THIS TIME ON YOUR MAKE-UP FOR YOU TO GO AND RUIN IT BEFORE HE EVEN GETS TO SEE YOU"

I laughed and rolled my eyes as I made my way over to my bed. That pretty much killed the moment for me and the tears were kept at bay. As I was helped into my dress I remembered that I needed to hurry up and finish Jaspers present. Alice saw the panicked look on my face then said to me,

"Don't worry about it, your mom finished it while we were at camp?"

A look of pure horror crept across my face and Alice was quick to apologize as I screamed,

"SHE DID WHAT?"

"Bella… relax. She promised that she didn't look at anything she just finished the last of it the way that we had talked about."

I was so embarrassed that I didn't know what to say. I wanted to be mad but I knew that they were just trying to help so I gave her a smile and just left it at that. Sure enough, at seven on the dot, there was a knock at the door! All of the sudden I was plagued with nerves, I knew that tonight was going to be special and I couldn't wait. I gave my mom and the girls a hug good bye and then opened the door. Jasper looked absolutely breath taking in black dress pants and a blue button up shirt to match my dress.

"You look beautiful Bella. I… well… umm…"

I had rendered him speechless! After a few seconds he gained his composure and said,

"Well, enough of my ramblings, are you ready to go?"

"Where are we going exactly?

"That's all part of the surprise! You're just going to have to wait to find out"

He said with a smirk. As we walked off the steps of my front porch I was wondering how we were going to get to where we were going, that is until, I saw the limo waiting for us. Now it was my turn to be speechless. I couldn't form a coherent sentence and Jasper just simply grinned like an idiot and helped me in the limo. The ride to dinner was quiet as we both were two entranced at each others beauty to even think straight. We pulled up to a little restaurant and once inside we were led to the back to a private room for just the two of us. There were roses everywhere and the room was lit only by hundreds of candles. It was the most romantic setting and I was the luckiest girl to be able to experience this with Jasper. Dinner flowed easy and then it came time for the presents. Jasper put a box on the table and said,

"I was given this a few weeks ago by my mom. I knew the moment that she handed it to me that I wanted you to have it. It means a lot to my family and it means a lot to me. This is a gift that is passed down through the generations. My dad gave it to my mom and his dad gave it to his mom and so on. Now I want to give it to you. Open it…"

I was shocked that he would give me something so important. I knew instantly what it was and started to cry as I opened the tiny box. Laid inside was a beautiful necklace. The chain was a long antique silver and the pendant was in the shape of a heart and in the center was their family crest and a beautiful sapphire. On the back read "Ridere Sogno D'amore" which translates into laugh love dream. I was overwhelmed when he came over and took it from my hands and placed it around my neck. After this gift I didn't want to give him mine. It felt like it was stupid and there was so little thought put into it. I worked hard to make it just right but at this point there was no comparison, his was the better gift. As I started to chew on my lip he asked me what was wrong and I told him. He gave me that Jasper grin that made me weak at the knees and told me that any present that I gave him would be special because it was from me. So reluctantly I gave him the wrapped gift. He opened it and as he went through its pages he started to well up a little bit. I explained to him,

"It's a scrapbook of our lives so far. I got pictures from both our parents and put it all together. Each grade school year, junior high, and now high school. And I left half of it empty so that we can fill it together. This is just the first part of our lives together and I want us to be able to fill the next pages of our lives together."

He put the book down, came over to me, placed a hand on each side of my face, and gently kissed my lips.

"This means so much more to me than you will ever know. This isn't a stupid gift my love. It's perfect, you're perfect."

We left shortly after the gift exchange and then instead of going home we went to the beach, to our spot. As we sat in the sand we passed the time by kissing, touching, and loving one another. It was a perfect night and in that night something had changed in me. I had never thought about sex or what that would mean but I knew in that moment that I wanted to be with Jasper. I wanted him to be my first and my only. I had made up my mind and that was that. I knew that his parents were out of town for the weekend and that we would have the house to ourselves. So I stood up, grabbed his hand and simply said,

"Follow me"

On the short drive home we passed the time by kissing. Each kiss getting more and more urgent until we finally got home. We walked up the path to his house and as soon as we were in the door he picked me up bridal style and led me into his room. Again I was hit with a surprise, roses on the bed and candles lit from every direction. He placed me on my feet facing him with my back to the bed. He placed a kiss on my forehead, both cheeks, and my nose before moving down my neck and collar bone saying in between soft kisses,

"Isabella, I know how young we are, and I know how I feel about you. I love you, and I have loved you my entire life. People say that we are crazy and that we have no idea what love is, but I say they are wrong. I don't think that it is possible to love anyone the way that I love you. I want to make love to you, but I also understand if you're not ready. I don't want you to do anything you don't want to."

At that point he just kissed me right in the crook of my neck by my ear, my sweet spot. I lost all control at that moment and separated myself from him long enough to say, "I'm ready" and then the kissing continued. Ever so slowly he undressed me. He reached behind me and slowly unzipped my dress. As it hit the ground he knelt down and removed it from around my ankles, then one by one he removed my heels. As he stood back up he placed random kisses on my legs my stomach my cleavage, then back to my lips. I was in heaven as Jasper worshiped every part of my body. Before he got to my bra I started to un-button his shirt and pull it off of him. Then I slowly worked his belt button and zipper till his pants hit the ground. He quickly stepped out of them and then there we were. The nerves started to kick in as I realized that I was giving up something that I could never get back. Not only that but, I had never done this before and I had no idea how I would feel or even if I would be good at it. Jasper's look mirrored my own and then he said,

"We don't have to do this if you're not ready."

In all honesty, I was more than ready; I just didn't want to suck at it. I let go of all of my inhibitions and un-hooked my bra and let it fall to the floor. Jasper's face went from indecision to want as soon as he saw my breasts. It made me feel beautiful, loved and comfortable. This god of a man wanted me, just me, every part of me; and I was about to give it to him. I let him stare for a few seconds before I put my thumbs in the tops of my panties and slowly dropped them. I thought Jasper was going to cry with appreciation as his face lit up. I stifled a laugh since I found it funny but then he wrapped his arms around me and we started to kiss, every kiss getting more and more urgent. Then I slid my hands into his boxers and slowly pulled them down over his beautiful butt, then to the ground. I instantly felt his erection between the two of us and I started to get nervous again, I had never realized the sheer size of Jasper before and to say I was a little frightened was an understatement. His hands ran down my back until they rested on my butt. Ever so gently he lifted me up and I wrapped my legs around him. He made his way to the bed and placed me on my back. He stared deeply into my eyes and told me,

"If you want to stop just tell me, I don't want to hurt you."

I nodded in agreement and then felt him at my entrance. My breathing hitched as my body was flooded with emotions. I was afraid of the pain I knew was about to come but at the same time I wanted him, all of him. He asked me if I was ready and I nodded before saying,

"Go slow"

He nodded and then I felt him enter me. Tears stung at my eyes as I felt him slowly slide into me. It wasn't just the pain, it was love. I felt the love that he had for me in that moment and knew that I would never want to live a day without him. He saw the tears and stopped, concern written all over his face.

"Isabella, are you ok? Do you want me to stop? Please don't cry baby?"

"No Jasper, don't stop. It just stings a little bit."

"Are you sure you're ok?"

"I'm fine my love"

Then I placed a kiss on his lips and I felt him start to slide out of me, and then slowly back in. The pain was only temporary and after a few minutes I was lifting my hips to meet his every thrust. We stayed at a slow and steady pace as moans and gasps escaped out mouths. Then to Japers surprise, and even my own if I'm being honest, I rolled us so that I was on top of him. I didn't know what the hell I was doing but I figured it was worth a shot. I tried a few different things before I found the rhythm that felt the best. I slowly rocked back and forth as Jasper thrust into me and then I started to feel something in my body. Everything was getting tight and I felt like I was about to explode. I knew at that point that I was about to experience my first orgasm and I was stuck between fighting off nerves, anticipation, and pleasure. Then I bent down and kissed Jasper as a moan escaped his lips. I knew he was close and I was fighting off my own pleasure so that we could come together. I sat back up and he said with strained breath,

"I'm close"

"Me too"

At that point I didn't think that I could hold on any longer, I arched my back and put both my hands behind me on the tops of Jaspers thighs as I was hit with a wall of pleasure. As my walls tightened around Jasper I heard his calls mixed with my own as I felt him spill into me. After a few moments I leaned down and rested my head on his chest. He pulled my hair from out of my face and placed a gentle kiss on my forehead. We sat in silence for a few moments as we tried to catch our breath. It was the best moment of my life. We sat in sweet silence, still connected, and totally and completely in love with one another. After a few moments I heard him whisper in my ear,

"I love you"

To which I replied,

"I love you too"

Then I slowly got off of him and rested myself right beside him. We molded to each other so perfectly that I knew I could never lay with another man. Not only that but I never wanted to. I wanted Jasper for the rest of my life. We fell asleep in sweet bliss, tangled up in the sheets and each other…

_**AWEEEEE... CUTE RIGHT? I HOPE YOU ALL LIKED IT! PLEASE REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW! I LOVE THE FEED BACK... ITS LIKE CRACK TO ME LOL AND IT MAKES ME WANT TO WRITE THAT MUCH FASTER**_... _**SEE YOU ALL NEXT CHAPTER!**_

_**XOXO**_

_**DSMRM2023  
**_


	7. Homecoming

**Hey ya'll! I hope you enjoy this chapter! It took me a while to write it, then re-write it, then write it again lol But alas, it is finished! If you need a disclaimer at this point then see previous chapters. Enough of my ramblings... Happy reading!**

That one memory gave me the strength to head back to where everyone was. I was feeling lightheaded still and a little dizzy but I knew that I would be ok. As I was walking I couldn't help but think of when I had needed Jasper the most…

Freshman year had flown by, Jasper and I had had our ups and downs but we always stuck it out together. Our number one promise was that we would always be honest with each other, and that came in handy about a month after our first time when I thought that I was pregnant. We had both been caught up in the moment and forgot to use protection. When I told him of my suspicions he was there to comfort me and tell me that we would do it together and that I wasn't alone in this, it was exactly what I needed to hear. Three days later I got my period. We both drew a sigh of relief but at the same time it got us thinking about our future together and whether or not we would start a family and when. I wanted to wait for as long as possible but this scare had lit a fire in Jasper. He wanted kids as soon as we graduated college. Even that was an argument; at first he wanted them right after high school. But after some arguments we both decided that after college was for the best.

Right before our sophomore year had started I was feeling really sick. There wasn't a day that went by that I didn't feel like vomiting, weak, or just extremely tired. I had just returned from cheer camp and was feeling the worst I had ever felt. The first thing that ran through my head was that I was pregnant. Then I thought that I had maybe hurt myself because I was having really bad pains in my neck. After a week of being home and not getting any better my mom finally took me to the doctor. Jasper was right by my side the whole time. I was put on high doses of anti biotic and had blood work done. The next day we got a call from my doctor saying that we needed to see her immediately. Jasper was yet again right by my side to hold my hand. They ran some tests when I had got there and then we waited in the waiting room for what seemed like hours. Then finally we were back in my doctor's office.

As soon as the word cancer came out of her mouth I collapsed. I had been diagnosed with non- Hodgkin's lymphoma. The pain I was feeling in my neck was the cancer in my lymph nodes. When I came too I was scared, I looked at Jasper who was holding my hand and the first thing out of my mouth was "I don't want to die" and then I started to cry again. Jasper gathered me in his arms and rocked me as I cried. He kept telling me "you're not going to die. We're going to fight this. You WILL beat this!" having him there and in my corner gave me the strength I needed to listen to my doctor. She told me that there were a few options for me but that the first thing we needed to do was surgery. I was scared and shaking but knew that I needed to be strong. I wouldn't let this beat me. It wouldn't win, I would. That night Jasper stayed with me. He held me all night and was there to comfort me. I had had some time to think about what was going on and come to terms with it. We had decided to wait till morning to tell everyone else, for now it was just us. I felt something wet on my face and realized that Jasper was crying. I turned to look at him and he started to sob. I sat up and placed a hand on his cheek.

"Jasper baby, please don't cry. Look at me…"

He shook his head in protest as a sob escaped his mouth, so I placed my hand under his chin and made him look at me.

"Jasper you need to look at me. I'm fine, scared yes, freaked out yes, but right now I'm fine. Just like you said, I'm gonna beat this. We can't let it win. I need you to be strong for me. There is going to come a time where I'm not going to be able to do much of anything and I'm going to need you to be there for me, to hold me and comfort me. Let me be strong for you now so you can be strong for me later. Do you understand me?"

There was nothing more that could be said between us, so instead he answered me with a kiss. In that kiss I knew he was saying what he couldn't say out loud, "I don't want to lose you, I'm scared for you, I won't leave you, and you're my life" but most importantly, "I love you".

That next week I had surgery and a week after that I started my chemo treatments. Jasper was there through all of it and so were my friends. They made it their life's mission to make me happy. Alice was starting to get on my nerves but I appreciated the effort. The hardest day was when I started school. Because I was so weak I couldn't cheer anymore but I was still allowed at practice and I was still captain. I just sat down and critiqued instead of participating. That first day of school there were a lot of whispers, stares and pointing, but I didn't let it get to me. The first few weeks had flown by and in those weeks I was growing weaker. Those chemo cocktails were no joke. I had started to lose my hair and knew that eventually it was going to have to come off. I was surprised however when I went to see my hair stylist and he told me that since I had such thick hair, I didn't have to shave my head. Instead I got an extremely short hair cut that still managed to look girly. And God bless my friends, Rosalie and Alice got the exact same hair cut. I cried as I saw Rosalie's long beautiful hair hit the ground. She looked at me and winked and mouthed "I love you". Then Alice sat in the chair and cried. She had had the same haircut for years and I was assuming that she was crying because of the change. Then she told me,

"It's not about my hair, it's about yours. I can't imagine how you must be feeling Bella. It breaks my heart."

"Alice, its just hair, eventually it will grow back but for now I gotta deal with it. Thank you girls so much for doing this but you know you didn't have to."

"Bella, what kind of friends would Alice and I be if we wouldn't have done this. And speaking of which why don't you look inside the salon"

At that moment all three boys were shaving their heads. I couldn't believe that Jasper was shaving off his long beautiful blond curly hair, and Edward with his shaggy bronze hair. It made my heart melt. Then I laughed when I saw Emmett with a bic in his hand. I guess since his hair was already short he figured he would just go bald. We all got a good laugh out of it.

When I went back to school I was shocked at the amount of support I was getting. After the initial shock that I had cancer, everyone started to rally around me. They organized bake sales, car washes, concerts, whatever they could do to make money for the cause. It warmed my heart to see my fellow cheerleaders cut their hair and donate it to locks of love so that it could make wigs for cancer patients. The football teams (freshman, JV, and varsity) had all shaved their heads and were wearing cancer ribbons on their jerseys. Then there came a time when I could no longer go to school. I had grown so weak that some days it was hard for me to get out of bed. I was getting better and the cancer was almost gone but I was also receiving aggressive chemo and radiation. I expected to feel this way but my friends never thought that they would see me this way. Trying to get Jasper to go to school every day and leave my side was a constant battle. Then it came time for homecoming.

I knew that there was no way that I was going to be able to make it. I was too weak to stand in a gym all night and to be quite honest, I didn't feel pretty anymore. My hair had thinned out so much that I felt like I should just shave it. I was whiter than a vampire and I had the darkest circles under my eyes from lack of sleep. I was way too thin and I just felt… ugly. I told Jasper that he should take someone else and just leave me at home. That was the wrong thing to say,

"ARE YOU SERIOUS? YOU WANT ME TO JUST LEAVE YOU HERE? YOU WANT ME TO TAKE SOMEONE ELSE? WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU? DON'T YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I LOVE YOU? I WOULD RATHER STAY HOME WITH YOU THEN GO TO SOME STUPID DANCE!"

Then he stormed out of my room and I didn't talk to him for about three hours. He finally came back and apologized,

"I'm sorry Isabella, I shouldn't have yelled at you. But you should have known that I would never and will never take anyone other than you to a dance. I only want you, and before you open your mouth to protest let me tell you, I don't see what you see when you look in the mirror. I see my Bella, my beautiful, sexy, caring, compassionate, loving, giving, thoughtful, wonderful Bella. You will always be beautiful to me no matter how _you_ think _you_ look. I love you."

"I love you too"

That night he held me as I finally had a descent night's sleep. I was lucky to have this wonderful man that I could call my own. The next few days flew by until it was the day before homecoming. I was sad that I had to miss the game; it was the first one that I missed in two years. But right after the game I was woken up by Alice and Rosalie. They were dressed in their homecoming gowns with full hair and make-up and they were trying to wake me up to get me ready. I started to protest but Alice cut in,

"Bella, you have been in this house for _days_ it's time to get out. You can leave whenever you want to but you are coming weather you like it or not. We already talked to your mom and your doctors and they agree that fresh air will do you good. I already have a copy of your meds list and a bag of stuff that you will need. Now you need to let us get you in the bath so that we can get you ready."

How could I argue with that? But there was one thing that confused me… it was the day before homecoming, where the hell were we going? I didn't have to wait long to find out. After about an hour of getting ready (Rose and Alice had bought me a beautiful new wig) there was a knock on the door. Jasper, Emmett, and Edward were all at the door with flowers in hand and dressed to the nines. We did all the pre-dance pictures and then we were off. We arrived at my favorite Italian restraint and were seated immediately. This is exactly what I had needed, dinner with my friends! After dinner we got back into the limo and I thought we were going home. As soon as I figured out that we were not going home Jasper put a blindfold on me and told me that he wanted me to be surprised. When we stopped, Jasper helped me out of the car and led me over to what felt like grass. When he took the blindfold off I felt the tears sting my eyes. We had arrived at our spot at the beach. The palm trees were decorated with Christmas lights and there was a makeshift dance floor on the grass. The picnic tables were decorated with homecoming decorations and it looked like the entire school was at the beach. Then Jasper said,

"When they found out that I was doing this for you they all wanted to be here. They love you as much as I do and they wanted to spend homecoming with you. They see you just as I do, to them you are beautiful."

Then he brought my hand up to his mouth and kissed my palm before placing it on his heart. That was his way of telling me that he was mine forever. Our first dance was to "If Tomorrow Never Comes" by Garth Brooks. As he stood there with me in his arms he started to sing to me as if this song were made for us.

"_Sometimes late at night I lie awake and watch her sleeping. She's lost in peaceful dreams. So I turn out the lights and lay there in the dark"_

That was a true statement, I knew that he would watch me as I slept, memorizing each plane of my face and curve of my body.

"_If tomorrow never comes, will she know how much I loved her? Did I try in every way, to show her every day, that she's my only one?"_

I let a tear drop as I listened to what he was singing to me. And I wondered the same thing. If my tomorrow never came would he know how much I loved him? We swayed to the music and he sang the rest of the song to me as I silently cried on his chest. That one song had given me even more strength to fight this nasty disease. It would never win, I couldn't let it. As soon as the song was over he put his hand under my chin and raised my head to look at him. He stared into my eyes and then kissed the tears off my cheeks, then kissed my lips. I wrapped my arms around his neck and gave into the kiss. All too soon we were interrupted by the clearing of a throat. I didn't see who it was but I had assumed that it was Emmett. Jasper and I pulled ourselves apart and continued to dance to the new music. I had never felt so carefree and full of life. We danced until I could no longer stand and then as if this surprise wasn't enough, they announced homecoming court and me their queen. It was the best night of my life and I knew that I was lucky to have these people in it. All of my past misdeeds had been forgiven and I was accepted for who I was, Bella.

The months after homecoming flew by and by the middle of the school year I was done with chemo! My hair started to grow back and I felt the life coursing through me. By the end of the school year I was fully in remission. My doctors were stunned at how I was able to bounce back from chemo the way that I did, and so was I. But I think that having these amazing people in my life and my strong will to live, plus the fact that I didn't want to live in a world without Jasper, I fought to stay alive. I fought, and I won! I was now a survivor…

**Whatcha think? I hope that you liked it! Please review... it one of my many little pleasures in life and I love the feedback! To all of you who have added this story to your favorites/story alert list... THANK YOU! It is the fuel that keeps me wanting to write... anywho, I love all of you and will see you next chapter!**

**xoxo**

**Dsmrm2023  
**


	8. Screaming, Spiders, and Bees OH MY!

**_I am so sorry that it has taken me this long to post a new chapter. This has been the craziest summer of my life. I've had to deal with three kids and a grandmother with a broken hip. not so much for but i guess its life. I don't want to blab on and on so i will just let you get to reading... P.S. i don't own twilight... but I'm sure you already knew that ;O)_**

I used that one memory to support me, I was a survivor and I knew it, I could survive anything. I walked back to where everyone was gathered and assured them that I would be fine. I sat there staring and not really listening to anything that was being said. As I stared off into space I saw a bee fly by and had to stifle a giggle at the memory…

We were going into our junior year and all of us had gotten our drivers licenses! I was ecstatic that I had received mine at all, me being the clumsiest person alive I thought I would be destined to use my chevro-legs my entire life. We all decided that we would go to the lake the week before school started since we didn't have cheer practice and the boys didn't have football practice. We all knew that this trip was going to be the start of an amazing school year! The day came and we were packing up the trucks. Emmett's big monster of a vehicle was holding all the camping gear and portable stoves, and my baby was holding the entire luggage! My mom and dad let Jasper convince them that I needed a truck, considering that I was clumsy, and giving me a small car was just an accident waiting to happen. So that's how I got my beautiful baby who is named _'wildfire'_! She is a bright candy apple red, 4 door, extended bed, and lifted monster of a Chevrolet! I think that Jasper was a little jealous of my baby; especially since I was spending so much more time in my truck then I was with him! It's not like I meant to but I couldn't help it. I loved my truck and I loved driving it! So when this camping trip came up I was more than willing to volunteer my baby! Of course I would be the only one driving her but I would still let the others in the car!

Emmett and Rose went in his truck, Jasper and I in my truck, and Alice insisted on driving her Porsche so that meant that she and Edward were driving up together. It was a two hour drive to the lake and it was actually entertaining. I let Jasper pick the music since I was driving and I started to laugh when N'SYNC came on the stereo. He knew that I had liked them when they were popular and he teased me every chance he could. He actually found out that I liked them when he walked in on an argument that I was having with Rose and Alice. They liked the Backstreet Boys and I liked N'SYNC… it was the only time that we almost got into a fist fight. If Jasper hadn't walked in I'm pretty sure that I would have given Rose a black eye and Alice a bloody lip. I laughed out loud when I remembered that and Jasper cocked an eyebrow at me in question.

"Do you remember how you found out that I liked N'SYNC?"

"Uhhhh…. No!"

"You don't remember walking in on me, Rose, and Alice?"

"OH… you mean that time that you almost beat up Rosalie because she liked the backside boys?"

"Ha ha Jazz, you know it's the Backstreet Boys. And yes it was because she was insulting Lance Bass who was soooo much cuter than A.J. McLean, just saying."

Then, as if I couldn't laugh any harder, Jasper got a pained look on his face like I kicked his puppy at the mention of me thinking another man was cute. So I put my hand on his thigh and said,

"But you're so much cuter baby, I just want you, I love you"

Then he let out a yelp as I rested my hand right on top of a newly raised area of his body. I suppressed a giggle when I thought of the irony, Jasper was pitching a tent! I figured we still had a good drive ahead of us so I decided to have a little fun. I started to massage Jaspers 'tent' and he let out a moan, which just made me want to keep going. Since he wasn't protesting and I was having fun at seeing the looks on his face, I undid his button and slid down his zipper. His eyes got wide but he just sat there staring at me with love and shock written all over his face. As I reached in to his boxers and grabbed a hold of his shaft he closed his eyes and rested his head on the head rest. I was loving what I could do to him and wasn't paying much attention the road ahead of me. So when I freed him from the confines of his pants and finally looked up, I realized that I had started swerving off the road and was now headed towards a ditch. Unfortunately for Jasper, I hadn't let go of his manhood when I made a hard left back on to the road. When he let out a scream that was equivalent to a little girl, guilt shot through me as I realized, the same hard left I took on the steering wheel, I also took on his dick. After I realized I had the steering wheel in a death grip I looked down at my hand and realized I had the same death grip on Jasper. I immediately let go and started apologizing but he just put up a finger which was his signal to tell me that I better shut up. I did as was told and focused on the road. Then he spoke,

"I need to go to the bathroom"

I didn't dare speak so I just nodded my head and pulled out my cell phone to call Alice so she could call Rose. Fifteen wordless minutes later we were pulled over at a gas station. He all but ran out of the truck and left me at the pump. Rose and Alice came over and asked me what was wrong and I told them. They stood in shock for about 2.5 seconds and then started to laugh hysterically. They both had tears streaming down their faces and I was beat red. I could feel the tears stinging the corner of my eyes and it wasn't because I thought it was funny; I was racked with guilt and felt bad for what was supposed to be a happy moment. They girls stopped laughing as they noticed how I was feeling. Immediately they were offering words of encouragement and telling me to find the humor in the situation. Then I got really mad and started yelling.

"IT'S NOT FUNNY THAT I ALMOST RIPPED MY BOYFRIENDS DICK OFF WHILE GIVING HIM A HANDJOB WHILE DRIVING! IT'S. SO. NOT. FUNNY!"

Just then Edward and Emmett whipped around and stared at me before they lost all control and started laughing.

"FUCK YOU GUYS"

I was so mad that I left them standing there and got in the car. I do have to admit that it was a little funny, but that didn't help the fact that 1, it was embarrassing and 2, I felt horrible. And to top it off I knew that they would never let me live it down. I was resting my head on the steering wheel and letting the tears roll down my cheeks lost in my guilt when Jasper got into the passenger seat. He saw my appearance and was immediately at my side,

"Babe, what's wrong?"

"Oh like you don't know. I practically pulled an accidental Lorena Bobbitt and now all our friends know and are teasing me. And you're mad at me, not that I blame you, and this is supposed to be a fun trip and now it's a disaster. And I broke your dick"

The last sentence came out in a wail and he laughed, HE LAUGHED, which just succeeded in pissing me off even more. He saw the death glare I was giving him and stopped.

"Love, I'm not mad at you. I appreciate the gesture, honestly I do. It was just painful and I needed to get a grip before I could talk to you. I know it was an accident and you will be happy to know that little J is fine. A little tender but I expect him to make a full recovery. See babe, everything is ok"

"But now everyone knows and they are going to make fun of me for it"

"Well then we will have to find some embarrassing stuff on them and tease them about it. I'm pretty sure that this weekend will be filled with embarrassing moments. I mean come on, Emmett brought floaties with him, and this weekend is bound to be full of unforgettable memories"

I smiled at him and he wiped the tears away from my cheeks and then insisted that he drive so I can relax. I hesitantly and reluctantly agreed. Without further incident we made it to the campsite. It was beautiful, our spot was in a perfect location, right under the trees and right next to the edge of the lake. It really was going to be an amazing weekend. The girls and I decided to leave the tent set up to the boys and we decided to unpack our makeshift kitchen for the weekend. That took us all of about ten minutes so we then decided to go for a dip in the lake. We all got into our separate cars and changed into our bikinis. Why I decided it would be a good idea to let Alice pack for this trip is beyond me. I emerged from my truck in a blood red bikini that should have been illegal to wear. It was a halter top and string bottoms. The top made my already large breasts look even bigger and the bottoms left little to the imagination. Then I noticed that Rose and Alice were wearing the same bikini, only Rosalie's was a dark navy blue and Alice's was a dark violet.

We all grabbed our towels and started to make our way to the lake. Alice started to giggle and when I asked her why she simply pointed back in the direction of our guys. All of them stood there with their jaws to the floor and it looked as if their eyes were about to bug out of their skulls. They noticed us looking and then went back to work. Then I remembered why I let Alice pack for me, she sure as shit knew what she was doing! We spent some time in the water and then decided that it would be a good idea to start making dinner. When we got back to the campsite we were pleased to see that all of the tents were up and everything had been un-packed and set up. We quickly changed and started to make some hamburgers and hot dogs while the boys started to set up the fire pit. As I looked around I felt so at peace, I was grateful to be alive and blessed to be able to spend this time with my friends. I'm normally not a big drinker but when they boys pulled the bud light out of the cooler I was all over it. I knew that this wasn't going to end well but I didn't care. It was going to be a fun night.

I woke up the next morning in my tent snuggled up to Jasper and trapped somehow in my bra. By the looks of the tent it seemed as if Jasper and I had tried to have sex but didn't quite succeed. I still had my panties on and Jasper had his shirt off however his boxers were still on and his pants were down to his ankles being held on by his shoes which were still on his feet. I managed to work my way out of Jaspers death grip and the bra that had decided to strangle me, and as soon as I stood I regretted it. I had the worst headache of my life and knew that there were only two things that would cure this, coffee and Advil! I quickly dressed into a bikini with jean shorts and a black beater and made my way outside. I was shocked to see Alice and Rose already sitting in the lawn chairs holding coffee. If I thought I looked bad, they looked like shit. They were both wearing outfits identical to mine and they were also wearing their big "hangover" glasses. And God bless them, there was coffee and Advil waiting for me on my chair! I sighed and sat down. Rose was the first to speak,

"Does anyone remember what the hell happened last night?"

"All I know is that I woke up with a bite mark on my ass and Edward has scratches up and down his back."

Rosalie and I both whipped our heads in Alice's direction at her blatant remark. Shock was written all over our faces.

"WHAT? When we have drunk sex we like to get a little rough. And Rosalie you're really one to talk with that HUGE hickey that you have on your tit. There is no amount of make-up that will cover that up."

Rosalie turned red when she realized that Alice was right and that you could see the mark. We all started laughing and tried to piece the previous night together. About a half hour later we decided to make breakfast; bacon, hash browns, and eggs! We all took bets on which guy would be the first to wake up and we weren't shocked to see that it was Emmett who came booming out of the tent smiling and saying,

"I smell bacon!"

As soon as breakfast was made, the other two boys emerged from the tent, Jasper looking refreshed and Edward looking as if he were in pain. All of us girls started to laugh uncontrollably at the sight of Edward, which just confused the hell out of the guys. Then just like a light bulb, something clicked in Edwards mind and he turned a bright crimson, which made us laugh even harder. During breakfast we decided that we would take a hike on one of the trails that we had heard about that led to a waterfall. We may be girls but we are not wimps. Surprisingly enough, Alice is the most willing to get her hands dirty, though as she puts it, she "does it with class", and an entire designer hiking wardrobe! After we finished cleaning up from dinner we all went to our perspective tents and changed for the morning journey!

Fifteen minutes later all of us were on our way, and Alice was dressed from head to toe in L.L. Bean and Patagonia with a hiking pack almost as big as she was. She was a serious hiker and always liked to be prepared. Rosalie and I laughed as we began to walk behind her and Edward who were dressed identical and holding out a map and compass. They really were perfect for each other. After an hour of walking we decided to take a break. We all had to use the rest room and were starting to wander off when we heard the loud blow of a whistle. When we turned around Alice and Edward were giving us all disapproving looks so we walked back over to where they were and Alice started pulling stuff out of her pack while Edward started to give us a nature lecture.

"Now as you all know, we are in the woods."

"Wow Eddie, did you figure that out all on your own?"

"Emmett, you will thank me for this when you don't have to rub calamine lotion all over Rosalie's ass for the next few days."

"I would very much love to rub lotion all over my girlfriends' ass"

"Would you very much like to deal with the rash and itching that accompanies the lotion rubbing?"

Emmett gave a nasty scowl and Edward continued.

"I didn't think so. So like I said, as you know we are in the woods, along with woodland creatures and bugs there is also poison oak and poison ivy. The way to spot the oak and ivy is simp-"

"Edward, we were all boy scouts, I think we know how to spot it. And the girls were girl scouts, they are not stupid."

"Be that as it may Jasper, we don't want to take any chances so like-"

"Edward, will you shut up now so I can pee? I think I remember how to spot the difference, do you? Cause if you don't then tough shit, now shut up so I can pee before I pin you down and pee on you!"

Rose had been holding it for the past twenty minutes and was getting more annoyed with every passing second.

"Well then, I guess this concludes the nature lecture. Alice, would you please pass out the toilet paper and shovels?"

"Shovels?"

"Yes Bella, shovels. This toilet paper may be bio-degradable but it still needs to be buried. Edward and I don't believe in polluting the environment you know!"

"Alice, you're crazy. But just to appease you, I will bury my toilet paper"

"Thank you Bella! Everyone be back in fifteen!"

Jasper and I took off in search of privacy laughing all the way. We all knew Alice and Edward were perfect for each other but this was ridiculous. As we were burying the toilet paper we heard a high pitched scream that could only be Alice's and we started running to see what was the matter. What we saw when we got there shocked us beyond belief. It would seem as if Edward and Alice decided to get a little wild in the woods, and in doing so they just so happened to roll into a nice big patch of poison oak! Alice immediately stood up and pulled herself together and stormed off. The rest of us were laughing so hard that we couldn't breathe. When Edward got up and ran after Alice, it brought on a whole new set of giggles. We finally managed to compose ourselves and wandered back to the trail. Waiting for us was a mad Alice and an embarrassed Edward, knowing better than to say anything we all handed Alice back the shovels and waited for them to pack up so we could leave. Once we were on our way Rosalie and I decided to walk with Alice and let the boys walk together. We didn't say anything; we just let Alice calm down, knowing that in a few minutes time it would be like nothing had happened. Then she spoke,

"Thanks for not making fun of me. I know that couldn't have been easy to hold your tongue, I'm just so mad at Edward. It was all his stupid idea and now I'm going to have a back full of poison oak. I can alread-"

Just then we walked into the biggest web imaginable and all three of us let out a blood curdling scream. As ballsy as we all were, we were also deathly afraid of spiders. We had been webbed, in the face. The boys came running to our aid to find us on the floor rolling around with webs in our hair, face, and neck.

"JASPER GET IT OFF… I CAN'T SEE…"

As I was standing up I heard,

"Bella, don't move."

At the sound of Jaspers voice I stood stock still as I watched him stalk around me like I was his prey. As he got closer I started to panic.

"Jasper what is it? What's wrong? Is there someth-"

I didn't finish my sentence because just at that moment I saw tiny little fuzzy legs crawl into my vision and I panicked. I started screaming and flailing like a mad woman until Jasper tackled me to the ground and started to swat my face, trying desperately not to slap me. As soon as I felt him get off of me and saw him stomping on the ground like he was jumping on a pogo stick, I knew all was well and the fuzzy spider from hell was no longer. I let out a breath I didn't realize I was holding and started to pull webs out of my hair. Rosalie and Alice were doing the same only Alice had taken off her pack and was leaning against a tree, scratching her back like a bear. I let out a giggle as Edward pushed her out of the way to do the same. Jasper came up from behind me and wrapped his arms around my waist and whispered in my ear,

"Isabella Marie Swan, what am I going to so with you? Leave it to you to find the only spider web in sight and walk right into it."

"Well we all knew that I was bound to do something stupid."

We both started laughing and then I turned in his arms and wrapped my arms around his neck. I gave him a chaste kiss on his lips then said,

"Thank you for rescuing me. When we get back to the campsite I'll show you just how thankful I am."

Then I turned on my heel and walked away! We made it to the waterfall twenty minutes later with no further incident. It was beautiful beyond words, and surprisingly enough the water was warm. I had no problem shedding my clothes and jumping in with the others hot on my heels. We spent the rest of the morning taking pictures and enjoying the water. Once we heard Emmett's massive rumble in his stomach we knew it was time to head back. We made it back to the campsite in less time than it took to get to the waterfall, for which we were thankful. Once we got back we made sandwiches and ate till we were stuffed.

After lunch we decided to try out the inner tubes on the lake. We were making small talk and floating on the lake playing 'I never', of course disaster struck when it was my turn to say my never. I had just opened my mouth to speak when I felt the worst pain I had ever felt on my ass. I let out a little scream and Jasper jumped inner tube into the water and over to me. All I heard him say was "SHIT" before I was out of the water and over his shoulder as he ran us back to the campsite. The others were following close behind asking what was going on. I was wondering the same thing, until my throat started to tickle and my breathing felt funny, I had been stung by a bee. I was allergic to bees and I needed my epi-pen. Jasper had laid me on a Picnic table and went running to the car; upon his return he was holding only a credit card.

"Jasper, where is my epi-pen?"

"Did you forget to get another one? Didn't you use it a few weeks ago?"

Then it clicked, I had been stung a few weeks ago in the hand at cheer practice and had to use it. Just as the thought crossed my mind I felt Jasper scrapping my ass with the credit card trying to remove the stinger, it hurt so much that it brought a tear to my eye. As soon as it was out Jasper was lifting me from the table to the back seat of my truck and I saw Alice running at us from a different campsite carrying what looked like a pack of cigarettes. I was confused but didn't say anything as everyone crammed into my six seater and we took off to, I was assuming, the hospital. Alice rolled down my back window, put a smoke in her mouth and lit up, If I wasn't about to die from lack of oxygen I would have yelled at her. Without warning she stuck the cigarette in my mouth and ordered me to "suck" and then slowly inhale. She saw the questionable look in my face and explained that there is something in cigarettes that opens up the throat long enough to take a breath. The more you smoke the more you breathe; I was skeptical but also desperate so I was willing to try anything. As soon as that nasty smoke hit the back of my throat I felt instant relief as my lungs filled with oxygen. Then I was able to take a non polluted breath which was even more amazing, as I tried to take another breath I started to choke, my throat was starting to close again. From the time it took us to get from the campsite to the hospital I had smoked four cigarettes and my right butt-cheek was swollen about two sizes bigger than normal. As soon as I entered the ER over Jaspers shoulder he gave them a quick rundown of everything that had happened, from the sting to the smoking. I was still in triage and I couldn't breathe at all, I felt like I was choking, and going into anaphylactic shock. As soon as I felt the last little bit of life getting ready to leave my body I was suddenly stuck with epinephrine. I was immediately jolted awake and felt as if I were on crack, my entire body was coursing with energy. After a few minutes of feeling like a crack head they gave me a medication to counter the epinephrine which immediately calmed me down. It didn't take long for the swelling in my rear to go down and I felt almost back to normal. Jasper was allowed in my room but the others had to stay in the waiting room. After about an hour I was finally able to be on my way, I was so glad to be getting out of there with a new epi-pen, just in case.

What I was not expecting was to find only Rosalie and Emmett in the waiting room. Before I could even ask where they were Rosalie was answered my unspoken thought,

"We were all sitting here waiting for you to be finished and a doctor was coming on duty, well Alice and Edward were scratching like there was no tomorrow and they have a pretty nasty rash so the doctor insisted on seeing them. They have been in there for about a half hour, the nurse said that they are almost done."

Ten minutes later a happy Alice and Edward were ready to go!

"So, what happened?"

"The nice doctor gave us a cortisone shot, some calamine lotion, and a shot of pain meds!"

As soon as Alice finished her sentence Edward started to giggle like a little girl. This was going to be hilarious; they were definitely feeling the meds. The whole ride back to the camp site the giggling two-some were laughing, making out, or zoned out. We were all glad when we got back to the camp site; I think if we had to deal with them for a moment longer I think we would have killed them. As soon as we stopped, they ran out of the car and into the tent and stayed there for the rest of the afternoon. Emmett and Jasper decided to give Rose and me a break and they made dinner! I was exhausted and glad that I could sit down with my best friend and just relax. As I was watching my boyfriend make dinner I felt that I was the luckiest woman in the world. After all that I had been through, I knew in this moment that this was the person that I wanted to spend the rest of my life. When I snapped out of it and looked over at Rosalie, she had the same look of love and adoration on her face. I suppressed a giggle but she caught it and asked why I was laughing.

"You were looking at Emmett the same way that I look at Jasper. It was the look that says that I love you and I want to spend the rest of my life trying to be the woman that you deserve to have. The look that says everything and nothing, the look that says your it for me and I am the luckiest girl in the world to be blessed enough to have you in my life"

She just sat there with her jaw wide open looking at me with shock on her face.

"What?"

"Bella that is exactly how I feel! Wow, how did you know?

"Because I feel the same way about Jazz, I love him more than anyone. I know that everyone thinks that we are "so young" and that we don't know anything about love or wanting to be with someone forever but, after everything that I have been through in my life, I don't feel my age. I feel older and wiser and freer; I feel alive! I know how precious life can be and I know that at any second it can get taken away. I don't want to waste time wondering what else is out there when I have this amazing person in my life. He's my forever; I don't want anyone but him"

I was looking at him the entire time I was talking to Rose and as soon as I finished he looked up from whatever he was doing and gave me a breathtaking smile as if he knew what I had just said.

"We've all known that you two were meant for each other. Those years that you were apart were hard on him. I don't want to make you feel guilty about anything but you didn't see him. He was constantly worried and filled with regret, it scared Emmett and Edward. Jasper was just a shell of a person without you and then when you finally got sober he was whole again. The life came back into his eyes and it's never left. I know that Emmett and I haven't had those same issues as you guys but we were right along with you guys the whole time and it's made us stronger. I love him more than I ever thought I could. I love all 6 foot 4inches, 240 lbs, never full constantly shoving food in his mouth, messy, loving, caring, kind, compassionate, snugable part of him! It may sound childish but I know that I don't want anyone else, He's it for me!"

Just as Rosalie finished speaking we heard the tent zipper opening up and out emerged a rather ragged looking Edward and Alice. Rosalie and I looked at the two of them then at each other and immediately started laughing hysterically. Edward's zipper was down and his shirt was on backwards while Alice had her skirt on sideways and her button up shirt looked like it had been buttoned by a four year old. Not to mention that her normally perfectly placed hair looked like it had just been through a hurricane. At the sound of our laughter they boys turned their heads and saw the sight before them. It didn't take them long to start laughing as hard as we were. Once Alice and Edward finally caught on to why we were laughing they disappeared into the tent again. When they emerged they were a crimson red but at least their clothing was now on correctly! The food was ready shortly after Alice and Edward made their grand re-appearance, for which I was thankful! After the day I had I needed food and sleep. It was hard to imagine that after the day we had it was only 4:30 PM, there was still a majority of the day left and I knew that I wasn't going to be able to sleep at all until at least eleven. Jasper must have seen the look of discontent on my face because he came over, sat down, and said,

"After you eat I have some place to take you that I think you will love. And there might possibly be a nap in your future."

My entire face lit up and I had the biggest smile on my face!

"Oh Jazz, that sounds perfect. Can we just go now and take the food with us? Pleeeeeaaaassseee?"

He gave me a stern look as I begged,

"Don't even think about it, I'm standing my ground this time. All of your begging will get you nowhere so you can just stop now."

I knew then that it was time to release the secret weapon, the look!

"What do you think you're doing? Oh no… not the look… Isabella I'm not looking so you can just put your lip back in your mouth and stop with the eyes. I'm not looking. Are you done? I'm… looking. Damn it, ok fine, get your stuff."

I had unleashed the sad face! You know the one with the lower lip jutted out, when you put your head down and you look up at them through your lashes? Yup, that one! It worked every time! I grabbed my food said my goodbyes and jumped in the truck! Jasper got in the driver's seat and we took off. We drove down the path in a comfortable silence for about five minutes until we reached the most beautiful spot I think I have ever seen. We were right at the edge of the lake where it split in two; one side continuing on and the other on its way to the ocean. The sun was just starting to set and the look of the water and the trees across the lake were simply breathtaking. As I was staring at the beauty in front of me Jasper had laid down a few blankets and pillows with the rest of our dinner waiting for us. Jasper and I got comfortable and finished our dinner in record time. After dinner was over we were snuggled up to one another and taking random picture's of the two of us. I had two favorites; one was of us looking at the camera making funny faces and the other was a picture of us exchanging a chaste kiss. I was taken by surprise when I heard the camera click and realized that Jasper had taken a picture.

"Jasper?"

"Hmmm?"

"Is it always gonna be like this?"

"How do you mean?"

"This, between us, the comfort and understanding? The trust and easy love? "

"I'm sure that we are going to have moments where we can't stand each other and moments where we disagree but for the most part, yes, I think it will always be this way. Why do you ask?"

"I just know that it's easy for everything to get taken away. I also know that it's easy for one person to make a decision for another person based on what they think is best for the other person. I mean come on, how many times did I try and break up with you while I was going through chemo? I didn't want you to have to go through that with me, to have to feel that pain with me."

"Isabella, there was nowhere else that I wanted to be. I wanted to be wherever you were, if your mom would have let me I think I would have moved in. If I lived any further than three doors down then I would have slept on your porch every night just to make sure that I was there if you needed me. I know that things will never be perfect between us but I don't think I want them to be. Perfect is boring and arguing gives us a reason to make up! I think we work so well because I'm not afraid to hurt your feelings or tell you what's on my mind. And the reason I'm not afraid is because I know that it's mutual. I don't know if you know, or if you even feel the same way but I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Call me immature but I think that you are it for me. There was never anyone else and there never will be anyone else, all I see is you. I want to have a life with you, marry you, make beautiful babies with blonde curly hair and big brown eyes; I wanna grow old with you and spend the rest of our days surrounded by grandchildren while we swing on the porch. I want to make love to you as often as I can for the rest of my life, I want to fall asleep with you every night in my arms and wake up the same way, I want you for the rest of my life and nothing will come before that."

As he finished talking I could feel the tears silently running down my cheeks as I knew that I had found my forever. This man loved and cared for me the way that I loved and cared for him. Then his voice got quiet and in almost a scared whisper he said,

"How do you feel?"

I couldn't answer him with words so I leaned up and kissed him with everything I had in me. I hoped that he could feel everything that was going into this kiss; love, passion, want, need, and oh so much more. The kiss that began chaste starts to escalate to the most passionate kiss we had ever exchanged. I traced my tongue along his bottom lip and begged him for entrance, he opened his mouth and our tongues started dancing together as if it were the most natural thing in the world. As soon as I tangled my hands in his shaggy hair I felt his hands start to roam and eventually they found purchase on my backside. One of his hands reached up into my hair and pulled it out of its messy bun sending a cascade of brunette curls down my face. I was rolled onto my back and slowly but surely Jasper started to worship my neck and breasts. He laid soft open mouth kisses wherever he could; all the while he was undressing me. It wasn't until I was in my bikini that I realized what had happened, but at that point I didn't care. I wanted and needed this man right now, no questions asked. I pulled him back up to me and took his shirt off and slid down his swim trunks with my feet. I took a second to admire the beauty in front of me; I had a beautiful man who loved me on top of me while we were surrounded by the most beautiful place that I had ever seen. Soon I was pulled back into the situation at hand when I felt a slight tug at my neck and I felt the air hit my bare chest. As Jasper took one of my pink buds into his mouth his other hand was slowly undoing the ties of my bottoms. In no time at all I was hitching my leg up around his waist desperate for any friction I could find. As if sensing my want and desire I felt Jasper shift and then felt his tip at my entrance. Unable to wait any longer, I slowly thrust upward and felt all of him slide into me at slow pace. That night Jasper and I made love as the sun was setting and the stars were coming out. The whole time we kept eye contact and were whispering loving words to one another. As we were both getting close our speed picked up until eventually we were both sent over into a wave of euphoria. We both fell asleep shortly after holding onto one another and not willing to let go.

We had woken up about an hour later and decided that we should be getting back to the others. So we packed up out make shift bed and headed back. When we got there the others were sitting around a roaring camp fire making smores! It had gotten chilly so Jasper and I changed into our sweatpants and then joined the others. It was the best weekend I could have asked for, even with all the accidents, I wouldn't change a thing. We all stayed at the campfire for a little while and decided around midnight that it was time to go to sleep. We had an early morning and needed sleep. Jasper and I had just laid down in the tent when all of the sudden he jumped up and said,

"I forgot something, stay there, I'll be right back."

Curious as to what he could have forgotten, I sat up and waited for him to return. I heard my car door slam and wondered what could have possibly been in my truck that he needed. When he came back he zipped up the tent and sat back in bed with me.

"So, what did you need to get?"

"I have a present for you. I've been waiting for the perfect time and after tonight I think that now is the perfect time. Here…"

He handed me a small black velvet box and my heart started to go into over drive. I was hoping that it wasn't what I thought it was; and I was relieved that it wasn't. However the ring inside was beautiful, as I started to wonder what it was Jasper asked me,

"Have you ever heard of a Claddagh?"

"A what?

"It's called a Claddagh; it's like an Irish promise ring. When it's worn on the right hand with the crown facing down it means that your heart has not been occupied. When worn on the right hand with the crown up it means that love is being considered. But if you wear it on your left hand with the crown up, it means that your heart is truly spoken for. Please Bella, will you wear this ring for me? I promise that no matter where I am in this world, you will always be on my mind; I will always love you and protect you. I love you."

It didn't take me but a moment to put the ring securely on my left hand, crown facing up! Jasper and I fell asleep that night snuggled up against each other whispering I love you...

_**I hope that you all enjoyed this chapter! Again... I am so sorry that it took me this long to update. iIpromise that it wont be this long next time! Soooo... I guess now all there is left to do is to review! Please leave one, you know you want to! reviews make me happier than a naked Jasper by the lake! Love you all and see you next chapter!**_

_**Dsmrm2023  
**_


	9. Post or Base! I'm not sure

_Soooooo… there are no excuses, please don't kill me! *__**runs and hides behind the couch**__**__**raises white flag**__* I surrender I surrender… if you put down the sharp objects I'll come out *__**checks to make sure everything is ok**__* ok so now that I know I won't get shanked ill tell you what has been going on in the life of me. I recently became a single mother of three, hardest job I have ever had, let me tell you. Unfortunately with three young, growing, pre-teen boys it is hard to find any me time let alone time to write. With all the stress in life the musses have decided to take a vacation, they finally returned only to run away again :::((( - super sad face! But I have hope for the future of this story, and rest assured that I have NOT abandoned it. if I did decide to stop this story I would definitely tell you. So now that we got that out of the way I hope you like some citrus! Its in there somewhere, go find it!_

_Ps this is un beta'd so all mistakes are mine! _

_**I do not own these characters, I'm just making them awkward!**_

I let out a sigh at the memory; those days were long gone now. I saw a bird fly by and followed its flight until it flew by an American flag. I let out another sigh, and again was lost in a memory…

The rest of high school had flown by in the blink of an eye. I knew I was going to miss High School but I was never more excited than my first day of college. Jasper and I had decided to go to our local community college because we had no idea what we wanted to do. We were taking all the same classes and figured if we got all of our GE classes out of the way then we could really focus on a major. The first day of school was great; I loved my teachers and even made friends. The second day sucked. Jasper didn't go to our afternoon class and I was worried. He didn't call me to tell me that he wasn't coming so I started to think the worst. Class got out a few minutes early and so I did what I ought not to have done, I went to the smoking area and had a cigarette while frantically trying to get a hold of him. Damn that Alice and those "emergency" cigarettes! She had insisted that I keep the pack in case I had another incident and I reluctantly put them in my purse. Well one fight with Jasper later and I was a smoker. It was a horrible, nasty bad habit that I wish I never would have started but after the bomb thrown at me, I didn't see an end to this habit anytime soon.

I finally got a hold of Jasper and he told me to stay where I was and that he had news. I saw him running up from the other side of campus and glared at him the whole time. When he finally sat down next to me he had a smile on his face and said,

"Guess what?"

To which I replied,

"Jasper, I'm not in a guessing mood. You had me worried that something had happened to you. Where the hell were you?"

"That's what I wanted to tell you are you ready? 'Cause its BIG news!"

He seemed so excited so I got excited for him. If he had that big goofy grin on his face I knew that it was a big deal. I nodded my head to let him know that I was ready to listen, and then he blurted out the four most hateful words I had ever heard,

"I joined the Army!"

With each word I felt like I was being shot.

I… BANG… joined… BANG… the… BANG… Army… BANG BANG…

I couldn't say anything, so I got up and walked away, furiously sucking on a cigarette. Of course he followed me.

"Isabella, what's wrong? Aren't you happy for me?"

"You really don't know?"

He then cautiously shook his head, which infuriated me.

"Did you even think to ask for my opinion? I don't expect for you to ask me for permission but seriously? Do you not understand that this affects me too? What happens when you get stationed somewhere I can't follow? Do you think that I want to leave my home to follow you all around the country? Do you think that I want to sit up at night and wonder where the hell you are? What happens when you get deployed, huh? What then? I won't ever get to talk to or see you… I won't know where you are or if you're alive. YOU DO REALIZE THAT WE ARE AT WAR RIGHT?"

At that point I was pissed and everyone knew it. We were in the middle of campus and I was putting on quite the show apparently. He opened his mouth to speak but I just couldn't listen. My heart was breaking as awful images flooded my brain. I had known that he wanted to join the army for years, after 9/11 it was all he could talk about. Jasper is a very selfless person and all he thinks about is how to help others, this was the only way he knew how. I thought that I would be ok with it but if I'm being honest, I wasn't. I wanted to be selfish and keep him with me. The only thing that I could think about was Jasper dying, and how I wouldn't be able to survive without him. As that reality hit me I knew that I needed to be alone, I cut him off mid- sentence.

"I need to be alone right now. I need time to think, this is a big deal and it's not one that I take lightly. This is not only going to change your whole world but mine as well."

He put his hands on my shoulders and opened his mouth to speak; I shrugged him away and said,

"Please Jasper, just let me go. I'll call you when I'm ready to talk. I just need to think, I'm sorry."

With that I left him standing there and ran to my car. I didn't cry at all until I got home. As soon as I saw my mom I couldn't stop the tears that I had been fighting. She didn't ask me what was wrong, she just held me until my sobs turned into sniffs. I finally had the courage to say what needed to be said,

"Jasper joined the Army today. He didn't even tell me that he was doing it. Now I don't know what to do, I know that I would follow him anywhere but what happens when he deploys? Mom, what am I going to do if he dies?"

As I finished that last sentence my body was wracked with another wave of sobs. My mom rubbed my back until I calmed down a bit and then she spoke,

"Isabella, you knew this day was coming, it has been all that Jasper has wanted to do since freshman year. I'm sure he didn't tell you because he thought that he had your approval; you always encouraged him and never discouraged him. You have been a best friend to him by supporting him in his decisions. It is never easy to be with someone in the military but I have no doubt that you will be able to figure it out. And you have me to support you in the rough times. Right now you can't worry about deployments; you just have to live in the moment, you can cross that bridge when you get to it. Don't worry about something that has yet to pass; all it will do is make a stressful situation even more stressful. And as far as him dying, yes that is a possibility. But you cannot focus on that Isabella; you need to be positive and strong for him. When you were sick Bella, he was so amazing and strong for you. I didn't sleep a lot when you were sick so Jasper and I would often talk. He said that he never wanted to show you how scared he was for you because all that it would do is make you worry even more. So instead we would cry together and then put on a brave face for you. In this case I think that is what you have to do for him. It's ok to be scared baby, but sometimes you have to be strong too. Just know that I love you and that no matter what happens I will be there for you. And if I'm right I think there will be a knock on the door in about 5, 4, 3, 2,…"

Then there was a knock at the door. My mom stood up, kissed my forehead, and told me to be strong and then left. I took a second to dry my eyes and put on my strong face, after the fifth knock I finally opened the door. I took one look at him and I knew; I knew that no matter how I felt on the situation, it wasn't my decision to make. He had supported me and now it was time to return the favor. It was time to be strong for my friend, my lover, my everything. I didn't say anything; instead I wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed him. I let everything that I couldn't say pour into that kiss. I knew that he understood what I was trying to say when he kissed me back with just as much passion. We stayed the night together that night and while he slept I studied him. I tried my hardest to memorize everything about him, his face, the way his mouth hung slightly open when he slept, the rising and falling of his chest as he slept, the way his hand was always out as if inviting me in. I committed everything to memory and silently cried myself to sleep.

All too soon it was the day that I feared; it was time to leave for boot camp. Jasper had stayed the night with me and again I couldn't sleep. I didn't want to miss one moment with the man I loved. I sat up in bed and watched him as he slept. When that got too painful I would gently kiss his lips and he would respond, which would eventually lead to us making love. We were both exhausted when it was time to leave and I felt like I was on the verge of having a meltdown. The only thing that kept me up was that I knew that I needed to be strong for him. I knew that if I stayed strong now that I could be weak later, so I stayed strong. I was strong until he said good bye. He stood and faced me before he got on the bus and he kissed me. Silent tears poured down my face as I stood there. I knew that there was something that I wanted to say but I couldn't find the words, thankfully I didn't have to, and Jasper spoke instead,

"Don't cry my love; I'll only be gone for a few months. You're going to see me in no time and we can write while I'm away. I love you Bells, don't ever forget that. I left you something at your house, I hope you like it. Just remember that when I'm not with you I'm thinking about you. You are my entire reason for living; you're my heart, and my soul. Whenever you think about me, chances are I'm thinking about you too. I love you."

With those parting words he kissed my forehead and got on the bus. I silently cried as I watched it drive away and had to fight the urge to run after it and stop him. Thank the Lord for Rosalie and Alice, if they hadn't been there I'm pretty sure I would have stayed in that parking lot the whole time Jasper was gone. They picked me up off the floor and walked me to the car; Alice sat in back with me while Rose drove. They didn't say a word the whole drive or even when we got home. They let me spend some time in my room alone and for that I was grateful. As soon as I opened the door I saw Jasper's Army t-shirt and a letter waiting for me. I picked up the shirt and put it to my nose and inhaled the beautiful scent that was Jasper. I thought I was all cried out but I was wrong. As soon as I opened the letter I knew that it was time to cry a little more.

_My dearest Izzy,_

_I know that this is kind of lame but I figured that we would both be too emotional to say much of anything so I thought that I would write you to tell you what I couldn't say. As I'm writing this letter I'm looking at your peaceful face sleeping next to me and thinking about how much I'm going to miss seeing that beautiful face every night. You are the one person that keeps me calm and stable. Everything I do in this life I do for you and for us. And If I'm being honest, I feel a little selfish going off to boot camp and playing soldier. I've wanted this for so long that I didn't think of how it would really affect you. But I can't seem to come to a happy medium when I think of how much good I can do as a soldier and how much all I want to be is your husband. I feel selfish for wanting both. But I know that I love you and if you would have asked me to stay I don't think that I could have refused. I love you so much it hurts, it hurts when we are apart, when I can't see you smile every day, or hear that beautiful melodic laugh of yours. I love you so much that I would lay down my life for you; I think that is part of the reason why I joined up, to protect you. When all is said and done, there is nothing more that I want than to be your husband and a father to our future children. But I fear that this is something that I must do before that can happen. I hope that you will not grow to resent or hate me for this decision. I love you with every fiber of my being and I cannot wait to see you at my graduation. Even though I'm right next to you, I miss you already. It won't be long before we are together again my love. Please be strong for me. I love you…_

_Yours forever,_

_Jasper_

I didn't think it was possible to cry so much but boy was I wrong. When I finally leaned back on my pillow my head hit something hard. I reached behind me and what I found was a beautiful leather bound notebook. I opened it up and read the inscription,

_I thought maybe you could use this journal as a way to talk to me when I'm not there. I have the same one and I will be writing in it every day. I guess it's my way of talking to you. I love you…_

_~J~_

At that moment I think I came to terms with our situation. I didn't like it, but I would deal with it. As I flipped through the pages I was met with different pictures of Jasper and I. I laughed at the goofy ones, cried at the romantic ones, and awed at the cute ones. After I closed the journal and lay down, I closed my eyes and thought about life. I was now a military girlfriend and eventually I would be a military wife. I decided that I needed to make the best out of life and play with the cards that were dealt. A few minutes into my epiphany Alice and Rose walked into my room and lay on either side of me until we fell asleep.

* * *

I woke up and was never more excited! Today was the day that I was FINALLY going to get to see Jasper! Three months had come and gone and he was finally graduating. Alice, Rosalie, Emmett, Edward, Jaspers parents, and myself were all there eagerly waiting to see him. I was running around the hotel room like a mad woman when Alice finally tackled me onto the bed and commanded me to sit. I did as was told and started laughing when she started raving like a lunatic,

"Seriously Isabella, CALM YOURSELF, you have gone three months without seeing him. Three more hours won't kill you. Now sit still so I can do your make up. Then you need to scoot into the bathroom so Rose can do your hair."

I started to put up a fight when rose cut in,

"Bella I know you want to wear jeans and a t-shirt but you guys haven't seen each other in THREE MONTHS. When he sees you he needs to be stunned speechless. Now stop complaining and let us do our job."

She had a point and I wasn't about to argue with Rose! When we got to Post (Marines and the Air Force have bases, Army has posts) we immediately went to the graduation field and took our seats. A few minutes later the graduation started! Everything passed in a blur until I saw his face; all of that beautiful golden curly hair was gone. I almost had a stroke when I saw him. He still had that Jasper look to him but he looked thinner, paler, and harder. I knew that he was the same ol' Jasper but it seemed as if he had been re-wired. That care free Jasper glow was gone and it was replaced by a wall that seemed to be 100 ft high. It was then that I realized that the Jasper I said goodbye to all those months ago was gone forever, I was going to have to get to know this new Jasper and fall in love with him all over again. Life as I knew it was officially gone, it was now replaced with all things MILITARY.

When graduation was officially over and everyone was dismissed I hung back and let everyone say a hello to Jasper. I told myself that I was being polite by letting his mom and dad say hi first but truth be told, I was nervous. I had had to learn to live without him for three months only to have him thrown right back into my life. I had finally learned to live independently and now I felt as if I couldn't breathe if he wasn't around me. That little invisible string that was attached to the both of us seemed to be pulling so strong that I had to fight my feet to stay in place. After everyone had said their hellos they all excused themselves to give Jasper and I some privacy. All it took for me to come undone was him pointing his finger at me and then crooking said finger telling me to come to him, I did. I ran as fast as I could and jumped into his waiting arms wrapping my legs around him in the process. One of his arms went around my waist and the other was on the side of my face. As if on instinct, I pressed my face into the feel of his hand, closing my eyes and reveling in the feel of his skin on mine. When I opened my eyes I was met with beautiful blue ones, we stayed like that for what felt like hours, which I'm sure was only about 30 seconds. Ever so slowly our lips met, slow at first, getting used to the feel of each other again. That lasted all of about 15 seconds before we were kissing at a fevered pace. We couldn't get enough of each other, three months was a long time to be without him and my body was trying to make up for lost time. I guess he was on the same page as I was and we reluctantly pulled away from each other. He slowly set me back on my two feet; on my way down I felt the very hard bulge in his pants and had to stifle a whimper. I had missed that beautiful bulge. Once I was on my feet I took a few calming breaths and then looked up at him through my lashes. He was the first one to speak,

"Hi"

"Hi"

It seemed as if that was the only word that we were able to speak to each other. We didn't have an opportunity to say anything else because Emmett decided that it was now time to be an ass.

"Sorry to break up the dry humping sesh you two had going on but your parents are ready to go Jasper."

"Thanks Em. Tell them we will be there in a minute."

We shared one chaste kiss and then linked hands and walked towards his parents. After leaving post we went to eat and then went back to the hotel. Thankfully Jasper and I had a room together on a completely separate floor of the hotel. I had been hoping that our reunion would be something magical. I kept thinking that we would be attacking each other at a fevered rate and pretty much save the soft stuff for later. I was wrong. It was awkward, to say the least. As soon as the door shut behind us we just kind of stood there. We eventually found our way over to the bed and sat down, in silence, staring at the floor. For some reason we couldn't seem to find words to speak to one another. We hadn't said one word to each other since the 'hi' we exchanged earlier. There was so much that had to be said but we both couldn't say it. It was starting to drive me crazy. After about five minutes I gave up and turned to face him, he did the same. Still, the silence remained. After staring at each other for what felt like eons, our bodies started to slowly get closer to one another, until eventually our faces were an inch apart. I could feel the heat radiating off of him and I couldn't help myself when I leaned in that one inch. As soon as our lips touched again everything fell into place. I was home. He was my home and as long as we were together nothing would take that away. Our kisses went from gentle to passionate in a matter of seconds, when we finally separated for air we both started panting our love for each other,

"I love you, Isabella."

"I love you to, Jasper."

We quite literally riped each others close off in the hurry to be closer. I needed to feel his skin on mine and feel him inside me. It had been to long for sweet love making. I need Jasper to claim me as his own, and claim me he did. As soon as we were naked he settled in between my open legs. My nerves rose again, it had been so long that I didn't know what to expect. I felt his fingers slide up my folds and let out a hiss at the sensation. After he checked my readiness I felt him at my entrance. He looked at me so intently I almost had to look away, almost. I held his gaze until he kissed me, a toe curling passion filled kiss that almost had me undone on the spot. He let go of my lips to claim my neck, running his tounge up my neck until he got to my ear. I could feel his hot breath on me, turning me on even more. He kissed my ear and said,

"I love you"

And then slammed right into me. My body was in shock for a minute, protesting the intrusion. We sat still for a moment while my body adjusted to his size and when I was finally able to relax he started his movements. He slowly slid in and out of me until I couldn't take it anymore. I wrapped my legs around him and forced him deeper inside me with the heels of my feet. He started to pick up the pace a little but I needed more. I finally found my voice and said,

"Jasper, you can make love to me later, I've gone three months without you, fuck me please!"

He smiled that beautiful smile of his and did what I asked. He quickly gathered me up and sat me on his lap. He was sitting on his calves and I had my legs wrapped around him with his hands on my ass, this angle was so much better. He was hitting spots in me that I didn't even know existed. I could feel that slow coil starting to build in my lower abdomen and knew what was coming, me! Jasper could feel my walls starting to tighten so he released my butt and lay me on my back with my hips in the air. About two thrusts later I was screaming anything that would come out. After I regained my vision I could feel Jasper thrusting faster and within seconds I could feel another release coming on. Jasper lifted me to him and walked us over to the table that was in our room. He laid me on it, grabbed my legs and threw my ankles over his shoulder. It was pure bliss. I could feel him start to swell within me and couldn't stop myself from reaching down my body. When Jasper saw me rubbing myself towards my own release he lifted my hips and started to thrust faster, when he found that sweet spot I saw stars. His orgasm followed seconds after. spurred on by my own. We lay there panting for air, our bodies a sweaty tangled mess of limbs. I don't think I could have walked if I wanted to.

After about five minutes we finally got up from the table only to lie on the bed. I was never more content then when I was laying next to him with my head on my chest. We sat there in silence still trying to come down from our post coital haze. Once I felt myself starting to fall asleep I said exactly what I had been thinking all day,

"I missed you"

"I missed you too my love, more than you know"

I hummed my contentedness and drifted off to sleep. It was the most peaceful sleep that I had had in three months….

_Sooooo… I hope that it was worth the wait, it's hard to gauge my own stuff. Anywho if you loved it, liked it, or just downright hated it, click that blue button! You know you want to! Love to all of my readers, I really do appreciate every review! They make me happier than a fat kid with cake! Loves…_

_Dsmrm2023_


	10. Blindfolds and Stupid Signs

**Well here it is folks! All 21 pages and 6,260 words of it! I know that it has taken me a few weeks to get this chapter out but when you are dealing with two kids who have strep throat it is a little difficult to do anything lol Anywho, my thanks and LOVES goes out to my beta IrisCullen13! She is awesome sauce and has helped keep me sane these past few weeks lol i added some stuff here and there after her beta-ing so i take full responsibility for all mistakes! Enough of my ramblings, on with the show...**

* * *

Looking at this ring on my finger made me smile but at the same time shed a tear, it was such a confusing time in my life but the memories that we all created were priceless…

I was surprised at how I settled into a military life. It felt like this was the life that I was always meant to have. Since Jasper and I weren't married we had to live off post but that was more than fine with me. We were just settling into a new life when it all got turned upside down. Jasper was supposed to be working for another few hours and I was surprised that he was home early, and by the look on his face I knew that he didn't have something good to tell me.

"Jasper, what's wrong?"

"Bella I think you need to sit down."

"But I'm almost done unpacking Just give me a few-"

"BELLA…"

He hadn't yelled at me in a long time so my head snapped to him only to see that his face was bright red and it looked like he wanted to cry, this was definitely not good. I put down the plates that I was unpacking and went to sit on the couch. He sat right next to me grabbed my hand. When he started talking he wouldn't look at me and that scared me.

"Bella, I got my orders today…"

"But you just got orders, that's why we're all the way out in the middle of nowhere. I don't understand."

"I got new orders today. That's why I'm home early, we need to start packing."

"But I'm almost done un-packing. Where are we going now?"

"We're not, you are"

"What are you talking about?"

Then it clicked, I couldn't help the panic that was starting to bubble in my chest and before I knew it I was on my feet pacing a hole in the floor.

"no no no no no no, NO NO NO NO, Jasper please tell me that this isn't happening. When?"

"I deploy in two months"

I dropped to my knees and couldn't stop the tears that I had been fighting. I had to struggle to breathe and I was so worried that I couldn't even hear Jasper trying to soothe me. He picked me up and took me to our bedroom where he laid me on our bed and he snuggled up behind me. He ran his fingers through my hair with one hand and rubbed lazy circles on my shoulder with the other. The harder I cried the more I heard him trying to soothe me. I wasn't listening to the words but his voice was always soothing. Eventually I fell into a dreamless sleep. I didn't know how long I was asleep but when I woke up Jasper wasn't with me. I sat up in bed and I heard him pacing in the living room. I was about to make myself known when I heard him speak.

"I know Renee; I'm not too happy myself… what am I supposed to do though? Orders are orders and there is nothing I can do about it. We all knew that this might happen eventually and it just happened sooner rather than later… I'm thinking that everything will be packed up and sent to your place by the end of the week. As soon as we get everything sent off I'll drop Bella off at the airport… Renee, I'm not trying to get rid of her, I love her and you know that. I'm going to be going through some pretty extensive training for the next month and I won't even be home. Its better that she start to settle into a life without me in it so that it's not as hard on her when I leave… I'll have two weeks of leave before I deploy so I'll be back home then… Since I'm not going to be home I'm Just going to move my stuff into the barracks and stay there… I know Renee; please promise me that you will take care of her. I never wanted her to have to go through this. I'll have her call you when she wakes up. Okay, I love you too… bye"

I decided that I needed to put on my strong face and learn to suck it up. Jasper was right, there was nothing that he could do, and this was his job. I took a deep breath and went out into the living room. Jasper was standing at the kitchen counter with his head hung low and bracing his hands on the counter. As I got closer I noticed that tears were falling on to the counter. My heart broke when I realized that he was just as scared as I was. I walked up behind him, wrapped my arms around his waist, and rested my head against his back. He tensed for a minute and then relaxed in my embrace. He put his hands on mine and we cried together until we were both cried out. We didn't talk much that night and ended up falling asleep early wrapped up in each other.

That next week was difficult. We packed up all of our things and had them shipped back to my mothers. Jasper kept the bare minimum; if it didn't fit in his foot locker then it was going home with me. The day was finally upon us, and I hated life. I didn't want to leave Jasper but he was right, I needed to learn to live without him. Everything in me was screaming, my inner voice was yelling at him to run away with me, to stay with me. But I kept my calm exterior and sucked it up. Of course I was sad that I was leaving but I figured I would have plenty of time to cry later. As we pulled up to the airport I had to fight not to cry. I knew this wasn't goodbye but I couldn't bear the thought of not seeing him every day.

We parked his car in the lot and he grabbed my bags for me, then we silently made our way to the ticket counter. I was checked in and so were my bags, all that there was left to do was say good bye. The truth was, I didn't think that I could. Jasper walked me over to the security check point and that's when I started to cry. Silent tears left my eyes as he held me close. I breathed in his scent, trying to memorize him and the feel of his arms around me. I knew that I would see him in five weeks but it was so far away.

"Don't cry my love, I'll see you soon. And you know that I will only be a phone call away. If I don't answer then leave a message and I will call you back as soon as I can."

I simply nodded my head because I couldn't speak. And then he made me cry harder when he started to sing to me.

"_I'm already there, take a look around, I'm the sunshine in your hair, I'm the shadow on the ground, I'm the whisper in the wind, I'm your imaginary friend, and I know I'm in your prayers, oh I'm already there."_

We stood there for a few minutes just holding each other until I finally found my voice.

"I love you Jasper, so much."

"I love you to my Bella"

Then he ran his fingers into the hair at the nape of my neck and pulled me to him for a kiss. He rested his forehead on mine for a minute, kissed my forehead, then said,

"Bye my love."

Then he was gone. I slowed my breathing so that I didn't make a scene. If I let the tears flow now then I would never make it to the plane. I got passed security and thought that I might actually be able to hold it together. Then I saw Alice and Rosalie waiting for me at the gate. I was confused but I knew that I needed them and I wasn't going to question them being here. As soon as they had their arms wrapped around me I let go. All of the emotions that I had been feeling were now pouring out of my eyes and I couldn't stop them if I tried. I was crying for all that I knew I was losing. When I said goodbye to Jasper I knew that I was saying goodbye forever to THAT Jasper. He was gone forever and I would never see him again. When he came home on leave he would be different, a different person in the same shell. I knew that he would still love me and that he would still have the same habits and mannerisms but ultimately he would be different. I made peace with that and then got on the plane with my two best friends on either side of me.

* * *

Five weeks had come and gone and FINALLY Jasper was coming home! I was excited, nervous, scared, happy, sad, and every other emotion. I was so happy to see Jasper but I knew that these two weeks would fly by and then a week after that he was going to Afghanistan. That is what scared me. I thought I could handle it and I was preparing myself for it, until I found out that my cousin, who was in the Marine Corps, had been shot and killed in the very same country that my Jasper was going to. All of my fears were brought right back and I had to constantly fight to stay in the moment and not dwell on the negative.

A knock at the door brought me out of my thoughts and I practically ripped the door off the hinges in order to get to Jasper! As soon as I saw him I jumped into his waiting arms. I didn't even give him a chance to grab his bags before I was dragging him through the house to my bedroom. I was thankful that my mom had made herself scarce. I wanted Jasper all to myself for a few hours before we were bombarded by people. Once we were in my room he kicked the door shut and clothes started flying around, landing in a mess on the floor. Soon after, I felt the soft mattress on my back and rough hands on my breasts. I arched my back into his touch, loving the friction that he was creating. His other hand traveled down my side and rested on my hip before making its way to my aching core. His lips were on my neck sucking, biting, and licking at the sensitive skin. His hand was teasing me in the cruelest of ways and I couldn't help it when my hips thrust upward seeking more. He smirked in my neck and slipped a finger in, gently stroking in and out. I gasped at the sensation that his hands were creating, one pinching and flicking my nipple while the other was sliding in and out of me, the pad of his thumb rubbing circles on my clit.

"Almost… there, Jasper… more"

I panted, desperate for a release that I hadn't had in weeks. He obliged my request and slipped another finger in, pumping faster. I was on the edge and knew that at any moment I would be seeing stars. Then he said,

"I love you"

And curled his fingers, finding that sweet spot and milking it till I was screaming his name. I had barely any time to recover from my first orgasm when I felt Jasper push into me. I almost wanted to cry at the feeling. For the first time in weeks I felt complete, when Jasper and I were connected this way I felt as if all was right in the world. I don't know what came over me but suddenly I felt the need to be in control, so with all my might I flipped us over so that I was on top. I was straddling him with my legs on either side of his waist. He brought his hands up to my hips and I rested my hands behind me on the tops of his thighs. From this angle I could feel him completely and he was hitting spots that made my eyes roll. When I opened my eyes I saw him watching us where we were connected and that was all it took for the coil in my abdomen to start tightening. As if he could feel my walls start to tighten he brought his thumb to my clit and started to rub furiously.

"Come with me Isabella"

And I did, it was so intense that I let out a whole slew of curse words and was nearly blinded by the force of it. A few hard thrusts later and I felt Jasper release inside of me, filling me with his hot, sweet, sticky seed. I collapsed on top of him and had to fight to breathe. We were both panting, trying to catch our breathe when he said,

"Well if that's how I'm going to get greeted after five weeks of us not seeing each other, then I'm going away more often!"

I slapped at his chest and then got off of him, we both hissed at the sensitive sensation. I curled into his side and felt like I was home.

Jasper had been home for three days and we had done so much that it seemed like we never got a chance to be alone. We had parties that we had to go to, family dinners, lunches, bbq's, I was exhausted. So when I was woken up before the sun on the fourth day I was throwing a fit.

"Jasper, where the hell are we going?"

"Don't worry about it, just get dressed. I put some clothes out for you"

"I don't want to go anywhere, I just want to go back to bed, leave me alone."

As if he knew that I was going to throw a fit, he threw the covers off of me, grabbed my ankles and pulled me off the bed.

"Ugh, Jasper leave me alone."

Since I was naked already he started to get me dressed. I fell back to sleep as he was putting on my bra. When I woke up I was in the front seat of a car heading south on the 101 freeway.

"Jasper, where are we?"

"Good morning sleepy head. Were going on a trip! Don't ask questions because I won't tell you anything."

Then I got the shit scared out of me by a voice coming from the back of the SUV that we were in.

"They're not giving us any answers Bella. We've tried everything."

Alice was pissed and Rosalie was fuming. I noticed that Edward and Emmett were also with us. This was going to be interesting. We spent the majority of the trip in silence. Once we hit Los Angeles the boys whipped out the blindfolds. We all started protesting but then Jasper said that we didn't have a choice and if we didn't put them on then we would turn around a go home. Emmett was telling Rose that he would make it up to her and that when they got back home he would let her under the hood of his new car, which instantly shut her up. Edward was telling Alice that they didn't pack any bags and that he would let her run amuck with his credit card buying a whole new wardrobe for everyone for the four days that we were going to be gone. She more than shut up, she unbuckled her seat belt and blindly straddled him and they started to make out. I rolled my eyes and sat there with my blindfold in my hand refusing to put it on. That was until Jasper laid on the guilt trip.

"Izzy, please? I swear that you are going to love the surprise but I need you to put on the blindfold. I'm begging you, do it for me? I'm not going to be here for much longer and it's going to be a while before we see each other again and I don't want to spend these next few days fighting. Please?"

How could I say no? I digressed and put the damn blindfold on.

"How much longer do I have to wear this fucking thing?"

"Thank you Bella! Trust me; you're going to love it!"

I sat there blind folded and stewed. I needed a smoke and didn't care who was around. Jasper had gotten used to my smoking so it didn't bother him and I was shocked one day to find out that he had started smoking. He picked it up in basic when the stress was too much. I fumbled in my purse to find my pack, I didn't know how I was going to light my cigarette since I couldn't see but I was determined. Then Jasper started laughing at my feeble attempts and told me that he would do it for me. He lit a smoke for me and placed it in my hand. Then he lit one for himself and we rolled down the windows. Complaints started to come from the back of the SUV but Jasper yelled over them.

"This is my damn car and I will smoke if I want to. If you don't like it then you guys can walk. I rolled down the windows so be happy. Besides, I'm going to war soon and I would like to think I can enjoy a stress free cigarette without getting yelled at."

There was a chorus of 'sorry' from the back and I could almost hear the triumphant grin on his face. About ten minutes later I heard Edward say that we had reached the freeway exit. At that point the boys handed us something and told us to put it around our necks. It felt like a sign but I had no idea what it said. Jasper just laughed and said that once we got to our destination it would all make sense so I just shut up and went with it. After another ten minutes we had finally come to a stop. My door was opened and I was helped out of the car by a stranger.

"Hello Ms. Swan! And welcome to your final destination."

"Thanks, where exactly is my final destination?"

"That I cannot tell you, you will just have to wait and be surprised."

I rolled my eyes but then felt stupid since I realized that I was still blind folded. We were led into what I assume was a hotel lobby, judging by the noise. Eventually we made it to an elevator and then I heard the distinct sound of a door being opened. I was led in and then I heard someone say,

"If there is anything else you shall be needing then please don't hesitate to call."

And then he was gone. I felt Jasper behind me and then he said,

"On the count of three. One… two… three…"

To say I was shocked would have been an understatement. My whole face lit up as I looked out the window of The Grand Californian hotel at Disneyland resort. I looked over to Rosalie and Alice and they had identical matching smiles. I turned around and jumped into Jaspers waiting arms. With tears in my eyes I said,

"Thank you so much. This is what I wanted to do before you left but I didn't think that we were going to be able to."

"I know how much you like this place and I just wanted to do something with you that I knew that you would enjoy. I just want to do something with you that will create beautiful memories."

"Jasper I love you, but isn't this a bit much?"

I asked as I looked into the room. We were in a suite that had three bedrooms in three different corners of the room with a live in kitchen and a huge living room. There was a bathroom off to the side and I assumed that there were other bathrooms in each bedroom. All in all I knew that it was expensive.

"Darlin' there will never be anything too expensive for you. I would give you the world if you asked for it."

And I knew that he was serious. He has always loved and doted on me. I didn't really like to receive gifts but I just got used it with Jasper. The more I complained the more expensive the gifts got. When I looked down at my sign is said,

"My boyfriend is surprising me, please don't tell me where I am, even if I beg or offer money"

I just rolled my eyes and took the damn thing off. The first order of business was shopping. Alice dragged me away and said that we would be back in an hour. I gave Jasper a kiss and said that I would be back soon.

True to her word, Alice had us back at the hotel an hour later. We were provided with a car and driver who took us to a local mall where Alice did some serious retail therapy. We had each gotten two outfits for everyday that we were going to be at Disneyland and then got an additional three days of outfits, complete with shoes and accessories, just to "get even with Edward" according to Alice.

Once we were all showered and changed we headed out into the park. Our hotel had a direct gate into California Adventure, a California themed Disney park, so that's where we went first. I thought I was gonna die laughing when we went on our first ride. Emmett insisted that we go on The Hollywood Tower of Terror first, which is a six story freefall ride. All of us girls didn't feel like going but the boys all gave us their best sad pouty faces and we caved. I was a little nervous and didn't really want to go on the ride but it was all made worth it when we got to the very top and without warning plummeted down. Emmett let out a blood curdling high pitched girlie scream that I'm sure you could hear from space. The best part was that the ride didn't drop just once; it would drop then shoot right back up and then drop again. Each time we dropped Emmett screamed for dear life. By the time the ride was finally over Emmett had his head in Rosalie's neck and we were all crying from laughter. Emmett made the decision for us to leave California Adventure and we decided to get some lunch. We wandered Disney Walk for a little while and finally found a House of Blues and settled in for some good eats. We had a good lunch and then we went into Disneyland. My inner child came out immediately, whenever I went to Disneyland I turned into a five year old. Our first stop was at City Hall so that we could get some Happy Birthday buttons! Even though it wasn't anyone's birthday it had become a tradition of ours to get Birthday buttons and see who got the most "Happy Birthdays" throughout the day.

Then we made our way up Main Street, U.S.A. and were dragged into The Emporium to do some hat shopping. When we came out we were all in different Disney shirts and on our way across the street to the hat shop. I tried to tell Emmett that they didn't do embroidery in the Emporium but of course he didn't believe me. Once we got to the hat shop I got a Minnie Mouse Santa hat! It had a bow on the front and Minnie ears on the side! I had my name embroidered on the back of it and was jumping up and down like a child in my excitement. Jasper got the same hat only it was the Mickey version. Edward got a Mad-Hatter hat while Alice opted for a glittery pair of Minnie ears with a pink veil. Rosalie decided on a Pluto Santa hat while Emmett got a Big Goofy hat. Once everything was embroidered we were on our way. It was Christmas time at Disneyland and the park was decorated with Christmas trees, garland, ornaments, and every other Christmas decoration known to man. It was beautiful and I felt like I was in a winter wonderland. As we walked up Main Street U.S.A. we made a left at the hub and headed into Adventurland! We made our customary stop at the Tiki Room, got some Dole Whip and watched the show. I sat back on the bench and watched my friends having fun. I was so happy that we were all having this experience together. I knew that time with Jasper was short and I wanted to spend as much time with him as possible. Suddenly I felt as if I wasn't close enough to him so I wrapped my arms around his waist and snuggled into him. He wrapped his arm around my shoulder and looked at me with concern in his eyes.

"Are you ok my love?"

"I'm ok; I just want to hold you."

He gave me a quick chaste kiss and held me tighter. Our day was filled with rides and laughter and soon enough it was dinner time. The boys had made reservations at the Blue Bayou and I couldn't help myself when I jumped into Jaspers arms and kissed him with all the passion that I could muster. The Blue Bayou was a restaurant that was inside the Pirates of the Caribbean ride! It was my favorite place to eat at Disneyland! As soon as we were good and stuffed we made our way to Main Street, U.S.A. to watch the fireworks. Like always, I cried when the fireworks started. Jasper stood behind me and wrapped his arms around me and I felt comfort at having him there. As soon as the fireworks ended it started to snow. They did it every year at Disneyland during the holiday season and it made me smile every time. Jasper had let go of me and I was confused as to why when I turned around to see where he went I didn't see him, until I looked down. He was on bended knee and he was holding a blue box with the most amazingly beautiful diamond ring that I had ever seen. I gasped at the sight as I realized what was happening. Jasper had the sweetest smile on his face and a hopeful look in his eye, where as I thought that I was going to have a panic attack. Everything in my head was screaming at me to tell him to get up, that we were too young or that this was wrong timing. But in my heart I knew that Jasper was my forever, he was it for me and I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. I slowly let a smile creep up and I felt the tears threatening to fall.

"This may seem like the wrong time to ask this question, but there are three things that I know for certain. One is that I am leaving for war in a week; another is that I love you, and the last one is that I want to spend the rest of my life with you by my side. I know that we may be young and I know that this is unconventional but I love you more than life itself and I want to spend the rest of my life trying to make you happy. I want to fall asleep holding you and wake up holding you. I want to make love to you every day of my life. I want to have children with you. I want to coach soccer or little league and take our daughters to ballet class. I want to be that old married couple sittin on the porch swing holdin hands and watchin our grandchildren. I want to spend the rest of my life trying to be the husband that you deserve, because if I'm being honest, I don't think that I am good enough for you, but I want to spend the rest of my life trying. I want to be the man that you deserve; will you please let me try? I guess what I'm trying to say is, Isabella Marie Swan, will you marry me?"

I couldn't speak so instead I nodded my head. The crowd that gathered around us all cheered as Jasper picked me up and swung me around. After some quick kisses he put me on my feet and put the ring on my finger. I couldn't stop the happy tears that were rolling down my cheeks and soon enough I was flanked by Rosalie and Alice as they checked out the rather impressive 2.0 carat cushion cut ring on my finger. I never knew that this is what I would want my ring to look like but after seeing it on my finger I knew that it was perfect. We walked around the park for a little while after the proposal and every ride we went on and every time we stopped Jasper would say one of two things.

"This is my future wife" Or "She just agreed to marry me!"

And for the rest of the night he had his signature happy beyond words, goofy grin on his face. When we got back to the hotel lobby I was surprised yet again when I saw my mother, my father, my cousins, and my grandparents there. It turns out that my fiancé was fool of surprises and brought them down to celebrate with us for the next three days. As excited as I was to see everyone, all I wanted to do was spend the rest of the evening alone with my gorgeous fiancé. And I was finally able to.

When we got back to the room Rosalie, Alice, Emmett, and Edward decided to change really quickly and then head out. They said they wouldn't be back for a few hours and for that I was thankful! As soon as the door was shut Jasper threw me over his shoulder and ran into the bedroom. We lay on the bed and made out like teenagers for a while and then ever so slowly we started to undress one another. After Jasper removed an article of clothing he would kiss the newly bare skin, sending shivers up my spine. Once we were both completely naked Jasper settled himself between my legs and kissed my lips softly. He was sweet and tender and it was then that I realized that this was the first time that we were making love as an engaged couple. I felt more love for him in that moment then I had ever felt in my life. I raised my hips just a little and gave him the perfect angle to enter me, and he did. It was slow and sweet, we were worshiping each other instead of looking for a fast ending. The whole time we were making love we were whispering to each other how much we loved each other and right when I knew that I was on the edge he looked me dead in the eye and said,

"I can't wait until you are my wife."

That's all it took to send me over the edge and experience the most intense orgasm of my life. Once I came down from my high I realized that Jasper and I had came together. It was the first time that had happened. He usually worked hard to make sure that I got there first and then a few thrusts later he would come, but this was the first time that we came together and it felt amazing. We made love three times that night and every time seemed to be better than the last.

The remaining days at Disneyland were amazing. We did everything that we wanted to do and finally bid farewell to the happiest place on earth.

* * *

The next week flew by like I knew it would and eventually it was time to say good bye to Jasper. I would be flying out the next week to see him off but I knew that when I saw him then his mind would already be set on the mission and he would be emotionally blank. When I said goodbye this time I made it a point to tell him that it wasn't goodbye. Goodbyes are permanent and I knew that I would see him again. I had to; there was no way that I could lose him. I had taken his journal the night before and wrote him a letter and also wrote him the lyrics to a song that I knew I would be listening a lot for the next few months.

_I always needed time on my own  
I never thought I'd need you there when I cry  
And the days feel like years when I'm alone  
And the bed where you lie is made up on your side_

_When you walk away I count the steps that you take  
Do you see how much I need you right now_

_When you're gone  
The pieces of my heart are missing you  
When you're gone  
The face I came to know is missing too  
When you're gone  
The words I need to hear to always get me through the day and make it ok  
I miss you_

_I've never felt this way before  
Everything that I do reminds me of you  
And the clothes you left, they lie on the floor  
And they smell just like you, I love the things that you do_

_When you walk away I count the steps that you take  
Do you see how much I need you right now_

_When you're gone  
The pieces of my heart are missing you  
When you're gone  
The face I came to know is missing too  
When you're gone  
The words I need to hear to always get me through the day and make it ok  
I miss you_

_We were made for each other  
Out here forever  
I know we were, yeah  
All I ever wanted was for you to know  
Everything I'd do, I'd give my heart and soul  
I can hardly breathe I need to feel you here with me, yeah_

_When you're gone  
The pieces of my heart are missing you  
When you're gone  
The face I came to know is missing too  
When you're gone  
The words I need to hear to always get me through the day and make it ok  
I miss you__…_

Little did I know, he had done the same for me. After he left I locked myself in my room and allowed myself to cry. Yet again I was saying goodbye to Jasper forever. I knew that physically he was still the same but that emotionally and mentally he would be different. It made me sad to lose him again but as soon as I opened up my journal to write I knew then that everything was going to be ok. He wrote to my about his fears and about his hopes for our future and he ended his letter with a song that said was going to remind him of me. I knew the song well and pulled it up on my iPod while I read the lyrics that he wrote down.

_A hundred days have made me older  
Since the last time that I saw your pretty face  
A thousand lies have made me colder  
And I don't think I can look at this the same  
But all the miles that separate  
Disappear now when I'm dreaming of your face_

_I'm here without you baby  
But you're still on my lonely mind  
I think about you baby  
And I dream about you all the time  
I'm here without you baby  
But you're still with me in my dreams  
And tonight it's only you and me_

_The miles just keep rollin'  
As the people leave their way to say hello  
I've heard this life is overrated  
But I hope that it gets better as we go_

_I'm here without you baby  
But you're still on my lonely mind  
I think about you baby  
And I dream about you all the time  
I'm here without you baby  
But you're still with me in my dreams  
And tonight girl its only you and me_

_Everything I know, and anywhere I go  
It gets hard but it won't take away my love  
And when the last one falls  
When it's all said and done  
It gets hard but it won't take away my love_

_I'm here without you baby  
But you're still on my lonely mind  
I think about you baby  
And I dream about you all the time  
I'm here without you baby  
But you're still with me in my dreams  
And tonight girl its only you and me_

I fell asleep that night listening to those two songs and dreaming of my Jasper…

* * *

**Soooooo, whatcha think? i hope you liked it! i personally loved it! But then again i am biased lol I want to thank everyone so far who had put this story as a favorite and/or story alert! it means the world to me! But for some reason no one wants to review :( this makes me really sad because i LIVE for reviews, all us authors do... so please do me a favor, if you have read this chapter please take a few seconds to hit that little blue button and show this story some love, or hate... just give it attention lol my loves to all of you out there in the FF world! until next chapter...**

xoxoxo

**DSMRM2023  
**


	11. Happy Homecomings?

Jasper had been gone for a few months and he was finally coming home for a month's leave. I was beyond thrilled and was on my way out to Texas to go and meet the buses when they returned. I was grateful for my friends and that they were making the flight out to Texas with Jaspers parents and I. We landed and I pretty much ran out of the plane. Since we were only staying the night and flying back the next day I only brought a change of clothes in my messenger bag as did everyone else, except of course for Alice who brought three suitcases and a carry on. We made a pit stop at baggage claim and we were off into night. As scheduled, we made it to Ft. Bliss twenty minutes before the buses were due to arrive. We passed through security and then we were off to the depot. About 5 minutes later I saw the buses driving down the road coming towards us and that's when all the screams started to erupt. Screams and cries of jubilation were coming from all around as loved ones waited to greet their soldiers. The buses stopped and the soldiers started to get disembark and line up in ranks. I spotted Jasper immediately and I had to stifle a sob as I saw him. In all of the talking that we had done he had failed to mention the gigantic scar on his neck and the little ones that scattered his face. But even with the scars all I could see was him. All I wanted was him in my arms, to comfort him and tell him that it was all ok. Once they were dismissed I shot off like a rocket and ran to him. He spotted me and started to run to me and I ran right into his waiting arms, successfully knocking him down onto the ground with me on top of him. I couldn't stop the tears that poured relentlessly from my eyes as I hugged and kissed every inch of skin I could find. Through choked sobs I was finally able to speak,

"Oh Jasper, I missed you so much. I worried about you every day, I'm so glad that you are back home safely. Please don't ever leave me again…" I knew that last one was an empty plea, he had to leave again, and much sooner than I wanted. We had 30 days together, not enough time by a long shot. He put his hand under my chin and lifted me to meet his gaze. All I saw was love radiating out through his blue eyes, he missed me too.

"I missed you too baby, you were the only thing on my mind the whole time that I was over there. I'm glad that I'm with you, you are my home Izzy. And I wish that I could promise never to leave you but I won't make you a promise that I can't keep. I have to leave baby, you know I do. But no matter where you are, I will always be there with you."

I shed more tears and finally our lips met, God how I missed those lips. All too soon we broke apart and we made our way over to the others. His mom cried with relief and his dad radiated pride, the gang was just happy to see him. I wouldn't let go of him if my life depended on it, and I didn't all throughout dinner or on the drive to the hotel room. Once we got to the hotel everyone went their separate to go to sleep. Jasper and I made it to our room and that's when the awkwardness set it. We both put our stuff down and then just kind of looked anywhere but at each other. I finally couldn't take it anymore and sat down on the bed.

"Jasper, what's wrong?"

"Ummm, nothing, I'm gonna jump in the shower real quick."

Then he practically ran to the bathroom and slammed the door. I knew not to take anything personal but at the same time I couldn't help but feel like he didn't want to be around me. I changed into my night clothes and sat up in bed reading my battered copy of "Wuthering Heights" trying to distract myself from the thoughts going on in my head. Jasper had been out of the shower for a half hour and still hadn't come out of the bathroom. I was starting to worry but then I realized that maybe he just wanted some time to himself. I decided to give him his space and fall asleep. The only problem was that my mind was racing. There was no way that I was going to be able to sleep anytime soon. I lay down with my back to the bathroom door and about five minutes later Jasper finally came out. I didn't move to face him because in those five minutes I realized something, he probably had more scars and he didn't want me to see them. I felt him snuggle up behind me and hold me close, resting his head in the crook of my neck and breathing deep. After a few minutes I felt wetness on my neck and realized that jasper was crying. I didn't know what I was supposed to do in this situation. Did he want me to turn around and talk about it or did he want me to just leave him be? Then my mom's words rang in my head, _you will never understand what he has gone through but you can be supportive. Comfort him when he needs it and always let him know that you will be there no matter what. He has a hard job but now so do you. You are just as much a part of the military as he is now. He needs you, go be there for him. _As I heard him sniff my heart broke for him. I turned over in his arms and held him to me as he cried uttering reassuring words of encouragement. When he stopped crying I still held on to him and told him,

"Baby, I know that I will never know what you have been through, and to be quite honest I don't want to know, but I can be supportive and understanding. I just want you to know that I love you and no matter what you do or what you go through that is never going to change. Please don't shut me out."

He started to cry again and I continued to hold him. After a few minutes he stopped and then he found his voice. It was shaky and laced with unshed tears,

"I missed you so much when I was gone. I never realized how much this was going to affect me, I mean I knew it was going to be bad, but I didn't realize how bad. I've seen things, done things Isabella. I feel like I'm doing something good and then at the same time I feel like I'm the worst human being on the earth. I don't know if I can do this anymore… I feel like I'm slipping away. What happens if the old me never comes back. I feel like you won't want me anymore."

My heart clenched at his confession. I loved this man with everything that I had in me and I knew that I had to show him. He needed to know that I was never going anywhere. I couldn't live a life without him in it. That night we held each other and made sweet, passionate, love….

Ok, so I just have to say that I suck… that being said, I would like to apologize for how much I suck. It has been CRAZY around my house and I don't have time for anything. I know that this isn't my best work but I felt that I needed to give you something. Please leave a review… even if you hate it! I'm not going to make any promises about when there will be another chapter up, but I am hoping soon! I love all of you and thank you for sticking with me on this crazy journey.

Xoxo

DSMRM2023

P.S. follow me on twitter desa_rae for updates and teasers!

And finally I would love to recommend a fuckawesome story! If you have not read The Mysterious Case of Blackbird Rorschach by Johnnyboy7 then you are missin out…. Its still new but oh so awesome! You can find it in my faves!


	12. To Really Love A Woman

I just have to give a HUGE thanks to **Hopelessjynx **for all of her support when it comes to this story. She pretty much kicked my ass in the right direction! Thanks BB! look for the AN at the bottom! Happy reading...

P.S. I still dont own anything twilight related :( bummer, i know...

P.S.S. I think i smell some lemonade *walks away innocently whistling*

* * *

_I knew my mother was trying to say something to me but I couldn't hear anything, I was thinking of a time that seemed so long ago…_

The weeks flew by and before I knew it, it was three days before Jasper was set to go back to Afghanistan. It seemed as if I had just gotten him back, he had just gotten used to civilian life again, and now he had to go back. Over the weeks he had started laughing again, his smile had returned. But now I could slowly see him shutting off. He tried to be as normal as possible with me but I could feel him distancing himself. It was in the little things, hand holding, random kisses. It was all starting to stop. When he went out with the guys my mother caught me on the back patio sneaking a cigarette and crying.

"Isabella, I really wish you would quit."

"Quit what, smoking or crying?"

"You know what I mean; I wish that you would quit smoking. I know that you can't help the tears. What's wrong sweetie?"

I didn't know how to describe what I was feeling. I just cried harder and released everything that I was holding in. I wouldn't let myself cry in front of Jasper. I knew that he was having a hard enough time as it was and I didn't want to make it worse.

"Oh Bella, what's wrong?"

"He's leaving again mom. I don't know what to do, I know that he has to go but I want him to stay so bad. I don't know how much more of this I can go through. He was gone for eight months, and now he's going to be gone for another eight months. I don't think I can handle another eight months of constant anxiety. It's so hard every day, not knowing. I only hear from him once a week, if that. The other six days a week I have no idea if he is ok, or if he's dead. Then when I do hear from him I'm so excited but as soon as he hangs up, I'm worried all over again. I don't know how much more of this I can handle."

She couldn't say anything so she just held me. She let me cry and comforted me the way that only a mother can. Once the sobs subsided I sat up in my chair and wiped my tears away.

"The worst part mom is that I don't know how to say goodbye again. I just got to know this Jasper, and soon he will be gone forever. When he gets back, I'm going to have to get to know a whole different person. I feel like the man I first fell in love with is gone forever. How can I keep doing this to myself?"

"Simple, it's because you love him. You have to know that your Jasper, the one you fell in love with is still in there. That boy loves you, he loves you more than I ever thought possible. If he could stay Isabella, he would. He would move heaven and earth if it meant that he could stay with you."

"I would"

Jasper scared me half to death. I didn't know how long he was standing there, but by the look on his face, I knew it was a while.

"I'll just leave you guys alone; I'll be in the kitchen if you need me."

My mother walked back inside and Jasper sat in her vacated seat. He tried to grab my hand but I pulled away and grabbed another cigarette.

"Please don't do that, don't pull away from me."

"Why? You've been pulling away for days."

I put my hand over my mouth in shock and he flinched. I officially had a case of verbal diarrhea.

"Oh my God Jasper, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean-"

"Don't, it's fine, you don't have to apologize. I know that I have been a little hard to deal with the past few days, I'm trying Bella; I really am. It's just so hard knowing that I'm not going to get to see you every day. I'm not going to get to wake up next to you every day, hold you when I want to, kiss you, make love to you. Plus this cold you have makes you a little unattractive."

I couldn't help but giggle at his last statement. I playfully slapped his arm.

"You're such an ass."

"I know, but that's why you love me."

"It's one of the reasons. Although for the life of me I can't remember the rest."

"Ouch, you wound me with your words."

He held his hands to his heart and scrunched his face in an adorable pout. Then he got a serious look on his face.

"I know this can't be easy on you Izzy, but I wish that you would talk to me. I can't help if you won't talk to me."

"I know Jazz, it's just that I know that you are going through so much already and I don't want to make things harder on you."

"Yes, but knowing that you are hurting and that I am the cause of that, it makes it harder. I love you, and that means everything to me. You mean everything to me."

"How come you're so good to me?"

"Because you're worth it, plain and simple; I'm lucky to have you, and I know it."

I didn't realize that I was crying until he wiped the fallen tears off of my cheeks.

"Non grido il mio amore"

_Don't cry my love._

He grabbed my hand and stood me up and led me over to our tree in my back yard. He turned me in his arms and then placed my arms around his neck then placed his on my hips. We started swaying as if we were dancing.

"Jasper what are we doing?"

"Dancing!"

"But there's no music."

"I think I can rectify that."

He just smiled at me then kissed me before he started to sing.

"To really love a woman, to understand her you gotta know her deep inside. Hear every thought, see every dream. An' give her wings, when she wants to fly. Then when you find yourself lyin' helpless in her arms, you know you really love a woman."

"Jasper, I-"

He pinched my lips closed as he continued.

"When you love a woman, you tell her that she's really wanted. When you love a woman, you tell her that she's the one."

When he sang that part he grabbed my left hand and kissed the ring on my fourth finger.

"Cause she needs somebody to tell her, that it's gonna last forever. So tell me have you ever really, really, really every loved a woman? To really love a woman, let her hold you till you know how she needs to be touched. You've gotta breathe her; really taste her, till you can feel her in your blood."

Then he looked me deep in the eyes and placed a hand on my belly.

"An' when you can see your unborn children in her eyes, you know you really love a woman."

I felt the tears fall down my face but I couldn't stop them. He kept on singing but all I could do was cry. I felt all of my doubts wash away at that moment; I knew that it would all be ok. No matter what happened, I would be ok.

"Oh you gotta give her some faith, hold her tight. A little tenderness gotta treat her right. She will be there for you, takin' good care of you; you really gotta love your woman. Then when you find yourself lyin' helpless in her arms, you know you really love a woman."

Our foreheads were together as we stared at each other. The swaying stopped and he wiped my cheeks free of tears.

"Isabella, I know that I have really loved a woman because I love you. I love you so much that it hurts when we are apart. Please let us have these next three days, please?"

I couldn't speak so I just kissed him; I kissed him with all that I had in me. He picked me up bridal style and carried me into the house. I didn't see my mother anywhere and I was just getting ready to ask where she was when I heard her car start and saw it back out of the driveway. I really loved her at that moment. When we got into my room Jasper slammed the door shut with his foot before gently laying me on the bed. Clothes went flying in all directions, it's like we couldn't get naked fast enough. As soon as we were both naked, Japer climbed on top of me and kissed me to within an inch of my life. It was almost more than I could take.

"Jasper, please…"

My breath was little more than a whisper; I didn't even think he could hear me.

"Please what?"

He started to descend onto my neck biting, licking, and kissing. I couldn't even form a sentence when he got to the sweet spot below my ear. His hand ghosted up my side and came to massage my right breast as his other hitched up my left leg to rest at his side. At that point I wasn't too proud to beg.

"Please, please, please, please, please…"

"What Isabella, just tell me what you want and it's yours."

"Make love to me."

He answered me without words; he brought his mouth back to mine for a searing kiss. Then I felt him slide along my slit until he reached my entrance. I pulled him impossible closer and then I felt him enter me. He went so slow that I thought that I was going to lose my mind, I felt him slide in inch by glorious inch. Once he was fully sheathed inside me we just stayed still for a moment, foreheads pressed together, enjoying the feel of one another. Ever so slowly he pulled almost all the way out before pushing all the way back in. He kept a slow pace until I couldn't take it anymore. I was teetering right on the edge and I just needed a little more pressure to fall over. As if he could read my mind, Jasper pulled all the way out and then slammed back into me with such force that I came on the spot. A slew of curse words left my mouth and I saw stars.

"That's it baby, cum for me, only for me. Do you have any idea how beautiful you are when you cum."

All I could do was bite my lip as he picked up the pace of his thrusts. I knew that he was getting close by the sounds he was making. I picked his head up from the crook of my neck and greedily attacked his mouth. While I had him distracted I managed to flip us so that I was on top. His hands gripped my hips in an almost painful way, but I was able to ignore it with the pleasure surging through my body. I slowed us down to a calmer pace, prolonging our love making. I didn't ever want to stop. There was nothing that felt better than this, than being connected to Jasper in this way, I could feel myself getting closer again and Jasper could feel it to. He reached up and massaged my breasts before pinching my nipples and rolling them between his fingers. I could feel him starting to swell and knew that he was close so I ran my hand down my body and Jasper followed it's descent. As soon as I reached my bundle of nerves his breathing hitched and he couldn't look away. I could feel myself getting closer and started to rock back and forth at a frantic pace with Jasper meeting me trust for thrust.

"I love you, Isabella."

That was all I needed to push me over the edge again. I threw my head back and cried with the intense pleasure that I was feeling. Not two seconds later I felt Jasper sit up and kiss my neck while he rocked my body, searching for his own release. About thirty seconds later I felt him bite down on my neck as he released his seed inside me. As soon as I felt his teeth I came again. We both collapsed onto the bed in a sweaty pile of limbs, too tired to speak. After about ten minutes Jasper got up and went to the bathroom and came back with a warm wash cloth and cleaned me up. I hissed a little as the warm cloth made contact, I knew that I would be sore tomorrow. Jasper threw the cloth in the dirty clothes and came to lie next to me. I curled myself around him and we both fell asleep almost instantly.

I was awoken a little while later when Jasper walked into the room with a plate of food and my antibiotics. I really hated taking medicine but somehow I had gotten a mild case of bronchitis. Jasper wouldn't kiss me until I went to the doctor so I had no choice.

"I really hate that medicine."

"I know you do, but if you take it then I will give you a surprise!"

I popped the pills and downed a bottle of water and waited eagerly for my surprise.

"What is it, what is it?"

"Hold on a second will you?"

He let out a chuckle and then went to his bag and pulled out a wrapped package.

"Go ahead, open it"

I ripped off the wrappings and tore the box open like it was Christmas morning. There were two presents in it. The first was one of Jasper's ARMY shirts and the second was a girl's dark camouflage baseball tee with "property of Jasper Whitlock" on the back.

"I figured that you could sleep in my shirt when I'm gone and that you could wear the other one to let all the other guys know that you're already taken."

He gave me a shy smile and I couldn't help myself when I jumped up and wrapped my arms around him. We sat there on my bed just kissing like lovesick teenagers. There was so much that I wanted to say but I couldn't find the words. Instead, I showed him. We made love that night and every night until he had to leave. There was no doubt in my mind that he would come back to me; I just had to be strong. The first night he was gone I fell asleep in his shirt, snuggled up with his pillow with "Have You Ever Really Loved a Woman?" by Bryan Adams playing on my IPod. That night I had dreams of our future, that night I had dreams of us.

* * *

SOOOOOOO... whatcha think? I know that it was a little short but it seemed like the most appropriate place to stop. The next chapter is gonna be a whopper and I might have to break it up into two. Anywho, please leave me a review and let me know what you think! This story is about at the half way point so I think that we should end at around 25 chapters, unless I cant help myself lol Thanks so much for reading and thanks again to **Hopelessjynx **for all that you do! See you next chapter!

xoxoxo

Dsmrm2023


	13. Snickers

**_Hey ya"ll! So I think the universe hates me and does not want me to write anymore lol My mother board crashed on my laptop and thus erased EVERYTHING from my computer, AGAIN! :( I'll save the AN for the bottom! Happy reading!_**

**_PS, this chapter is NOT beta'd so all mistakes are my own. _**

**_PSS, I'm sure we all know by now that i do not own twilight or its characters but just in case, I DO NOT OWN TWILIGHT OR ITS CHARACTERS_**

**_WARNING: THIS CHAPTER CONTAINS MATERIAL THAT MAY NOT BE SUITABLE FOR ALL READERS, IT DEALS WITH GREAT LOSS, AND MAY BE A LITTLE HARD FOR SOME TO READ..._**

* * *

_I looked to my left and I saw a little boy eating a snickers, it brought me back to a time that seemed so long ago…_

"Bella, are you ok sweetie?"

"Yeah mom, I think I just have the flu."

Only thing is, I've had this flu for about six weeks. I knew, just knew that I had to be pregnant. But I was scared. I didn't want to do this without Jasper and I couldn't bring myself to take a pregnancy test. So far I had done a really great job at hiding the sickness and no one thought anything. Jasper wasn't stupid though, he knew something was up whenever we talked but I told him that I just missed him. He had been gone for eight weeks and I hadn't talked to him in about a week and a half and that wasn't normal for us. Although with the Army, there really isn't a normal. I picked myself up from the floor and made my way to the sink to brush my teeth. I glanced in the mirror and I did not like what I was looking back at me. My insomnia was at an all-time high so I had faint bags under my eyes. My doctor prescribed me an anti-anxiety medication, but since I pretty much knew that I was pregnant, I refused to take it. As I brushed my teeth I thought about how far along I was gonna be when Jasper got back. He was supposed to be gone for eight months and that's about how far along I would be. I was torn about when to tell him and how I was supposed to do it. It wasn't like I could wait till he got home and say 'surprise! I'm knocked up!'

Could I?

No, no I couldn't. I finished brushing my teeth and decided that it was now or never. I was gonna march my ass to the drug store and get a pregnancy test. Yes, that's what I was gonna do. I walked into my room and grabbed my purse before I could talk myself out of it.

"Mom, I'll be right back, I'm going to the store real quick", I called out.

I got to the door and took a deep breath, there was no going back now, I yanked that door open and I nearly cried. Standing before me was Jasper. He had his fist raised like he was about to knock. He got this big goofy grin on his face and all I could do was cry as I launched myself at him.

"What are you doing here? Aren't you supposed to be on a tank in Afghanistan?"

"Our unit got sent home early and I wanted to surprise you! Bella, its ok, shhhh, I'm safe."

I couldn't stop sobbing. All I felt in that moment was relief, relief that I wouldn't have to do this alone, and relief that he was safe and standing before me. And then my stomach dropped, I knew that I was gonna throw up. I fought my way out of Jaspers arms and barely made it to the toilet before I started heaving. Of course Jasper followed me and rubbed my back as I threw up. Once I was done he got me some water and sat down on the bathroom floor with me.

"How long have you been sick? Are you ok? Your mom says you have the flu. Have you been to the doctor?" he asked in one breath.

"Jasper, calm down, shut the door." He did and then looked at me expectantly. "So, I've been sick for about six weeks now and no I haven't been to the doctor yet."

"Isabella, if you've been sick for six weeks I think it's a little irresponsible of you to not go see your doctor. What if you're really sick? What if you need meds? Especially with your history, what if it's something permanent?"

"Oh it's permanent." I said under my breath. "I didn't go to the doctor because I was scared. If this is real then I can't deny it anymore, and I like living in denial right now."

"Isabella, you need to go to the doctor now. I'll call your oncologist and get an appointment. Come on, let's go." He went to stand and I pulled him back down.

"Jasper, I don't have cancer. Sit down."

"How do you know that? These seem like the same symptoms, I don't wanna take any chances."

"I don't have cancer, I'm pregnant. I don't know why they call it morning sickness either; we both know that it's four thirty in the afternoon."

Then I realized that I said I was pregnant, like word vomit. My hands flew to my mouth and I looked at Jasper as he digested what I had said.

"Pah-, preg-, pre-, pregnant? As in knocked up, bun in the oven, with child? As in you have my baby growing in your belly?"

All I could do was nod.

"You're sure? You took a test?"

"I was scared to; I was on my way to the drug store right now."

He got the biggest grin on his face and stood up, taking me with him.

"I'm so happy that I get to be here for this, even if were not pregnant, I'm just glad that I'm here."

_Me too Jasper, me too…_

We arrived at the drug store and made our way to the pregnancy isle. Who would have thought there were so many options when it came to pregnancy tests? I was beside myself with choices. Jasper and I just stared at the wall of tests like it was the answer to life's questions. Finally a lady took mercy on us and recommended an E.P.T. test.

"This one seems to be the most accurate. I should know; I have six kids. Good luck!"

With that she walked away and Jasper and I made our way to the check-out counter. There was a little old lady working the register and when she saw what we were purchasing she gave me a disapproving look.

"Hey, don't look at her like that. I had just as much to do with this as she did. If you're going to give anyone a look it should be me."

"Sorry, sir, I meant no disrespect."

"Just give me the total and then we can be on our way."

Jasper paid for the test and as we walked out of the store he looked at the little old lady and said,

"Just so you know, I just got back from war and if you must know, I'm going home to have sex with my fiancé!"

He smiled a huge smile at her shocked face and we walked out.

"Jasper Whitlock, she was an old lady, I thought Esme raised you with more respect than that."

"If she would have seen that old lady I think my sweet mother would have done worse than I."

I had to agree with that one. Esme could be a sweet woman but if you crossed her, you would be sorry.

* * *

We arrived back at my house and made a b-line for my room. I grabbed the package and took it into the bathroom with me. I was so nervous but I knew it was something that I had to do. I followed the instructions and went back into my room.

"Ten minutes." Said Jasper, although I think he said it more for himself then for me.

I crawled under my covers and waited nervously.

"Bella, I just want you to know that no matter what that test says, I love you. If we are pregnant, I can't even tell you how happy I'll be. I've wanted this for so long, and I can't believe that it might actually happen. And if we're not pregnant, we can always try again, when you're ready. I don't want to make decisions for you; I want to make them with you. No matter what happens I want you to know that I love you and I will always be there for you."

Of course I was crying, damn hormones. We sat there on my bed and waited for the test. It felt like we were waiting for hours. Finally Jasper got off the bed and walked over to the dresser. I pulled the covers over my eyes and waited for him to tell me. I felt a dip in the bed and then slowly he pulled the covers off my face. He didn't have a smile on his face and I thought for sure that the test said negative. It was in that moment that I realized how much I really had wanted this baby. He just looked at me for about a minute and then smiled the biggest smile I had ever seen.

"Congratulations mama, were having a baby!"

"Really? We're really pregnant? We're gonna have a baby?" I asked excitedly.

He just nodded and of course, I started to cry again. Jasper leaned in and kissed me for all I was worth. Then he trailed kisses down my neck and lifted my shirt up. He reached my stomach and started to speak.

"Hi baby, its daddy. I'm sorry that I haven't been here for the past two months, but I'm here now. I'm not going anywhere. I can't wait to watch you grow. I love you." then he kissed my belly.

It was one of the sweetest moments I had ever witnessed and I was so happy that Jasper and I were going to get to do this together. That was until he went into crazy military dad mode. I had sat up and kissed him, hoping for more, but about thirty seconds in he stopped, stood up, and started pacing my room.

"Ok, so we need to make a doctor's appointment. Yes that's the first thing we'll do. You need prenatal vitamins. Then we have to tell our parents. Or should we tell them first? Either way they have to know. And then we need to plan a baby shower. And we need a place to live. We can't stay here for the rest of our lives. Oh, and we need to decorate the nursery, but that can wait right? Until we find out what it is. Do you wanna know? Cause I wanna know. But if you don't then we can wait. Oh, I need to Google a list of baby safe products. You know, bottles, clothes, toys, and paint for the room."

"Jasper, will you sit down?"

"But, then we also need to decide on a bassinet or a crib. Are you going to breast feed?"

"Jasper, you need to calm down before you have a heart attack. I need you alive and well for your child."

"My child, ohmygod, I'm gonna be a father. Bella what if I'm a bad father?"

"You're going to be an amazing daddy."

"I'M GONNA BE A DADDY! Ohmygod, I'm gonna be a daddy."

And then he passed out. And of course not two seconds later Renee came bursting into my room.

"I'M GONNA BE A GRANDMA?"

At least she was smiling.

* * *

About a month later we were in the waiting room for my doctor's appointment. We had to wait a month because Jasper insisted on the best doctor in town and his waiting list was ridiculous. The only reason we got in this soon was because Jaspers dad, Carlisle, was Chief of Staff at the hospital. Telling his parents was nothing compared to telling my dad. Esme cried tears of joy and Carlisle just smiled. They both thought that we were too young, and I had to agree. But they were also happy to be having a grandchild. It's a good thing that Charlie lives an hour away. He almost had a coronary over the phone. He wouldn't yell at me but as soon as Jasper got on the phone, he got an ear full. Words like 'shotgun', 'shovel', and 'woods' were thrown around but Jasper took it all in stride. Now we were all sitting in the waiting room waiting to go in. I told the parents that they could wait in the waiting room while Jasper and I went in and they weren't happy. But I really didn't want them in there, it just felt awkward.

The nurse took my vitals, logged them on my chart and then said the doctor would be with us shortly. As I was lying on the table I couldn't stop looking at my stomach. It was like the baby knew that Jasper was home and wanted the whole world to know that it was growing. About a week after Jasper got home I went to sleep for the night and woke up with the mother of all stomach staring at me. I had popped in a big way and there was no hiding it, but I loved my bump and I would show it off all the time. Although I hated it when people would come up and touch me, which got annoying real quick.

The Appointment went fairly well! They didn't do an ultrasound but I was able to hear my baby's heart beat! Jasper and I just looked at each other and cried. It was a sweet moment, one that I would never forget. It made everything seem so much more real. Jasper and I were going to be parents; we were going to have a child. I felt like I finally had a purpose in this world, being a mother was what I was born to do.

Of course I went through all of the normal pregnancy stuff and had the most off the wall cravings. All I wanted were Slim Jims! I could eat them all day everyday if Jasper would have let me. It got so bad that he would hide them from me and then catch me looking everywhere for the secret hiding spot. Then I discovered the wonderful world of strawberry ice cream with rice crispies! It was like heaven in a bowl. Through all of the mood swings, random cravings, back aches, and nausea, Jasper never ceased to amaze me. He was a trooper through all of it and definitely reaped the benefits when my libido went into over drive.

We were lying in bed perfectly comfortable and asleep when I woke up and sex was the only thing on my mind. I NEEDED to have sex more than I needed air to breathe! I hadn't been in the mood for most of my pregnancy but all of the sudden, it was vital.

"Jasper wake up!"

He groggily responded with a grunt. So I nudged him a little.

"Jasper."

His eyes fluttered open and then went wide.

"Are you ok? Is it the baby? Bella, TELL ME WHAT'S WRONG?"

It all came out in a rush and I had to try really hard not to laugh.

"Baby, everything is ok, I promise. But right now, I need you."

"What do you need? Bella I'm not going to 7-11 again to get you a hot dog when your just gonna fall asleep before I get back. Its 3:00 am."

"Jasper, that's not funny. I mean that I need you."

"I'm right here love, what do you need?"

"Seriously Jasper, do I have to spell it out for you? I. need. You!"

It took a second to register and then he got the goofiest grin on his face.

"Well why didn't you say so before? What exactly do you _need_ from me?"

"I _need_ you to fuck me, right now!"

He looked at me for a second with nothing but pure lust in his eyes before he attacked my lips with his own. The passion that was pouring out of this man made a wetness that I hadn't felt in months gather between the apex of my legs. I couldn't help the moan that came out of my mouth and he responded with one of his own. Next thing I knew my shirt was off and I was on my back in nothing but my panties. We both needed to breath so Jasper started to trail kisses down my neck, stopping at the sweet spot just behind my ear before continuing his journey south. My breasts had been so sore lately but now I was practically quivering with want. When he finally ghosted over them with his fingers I thought I was going to explode.

"Please Jasper, more."

I felt him smile against my skin before he took my nipple into his mouth and sucked on it gently. The moan that escaped my lips could only be described at animalistic. I hadn't realized how much I had missed this between us. He paid both my breasts equal attention before placing a kiss right over my heart, then moving to the valley of my breasts. Once he got to my stomach he laid gently kisses all around it before reaching the Promised Land. Slipped his fingers in the waistband of my panties and I gently lifted my hips while he slid them down my legs. He grabbed my leg and kissed my ankle before kissing all the way down to where I wanted him the most.

"You're so wet for me already Bella."

It wasn't a question; i needed this man more than I needed anything at this point. He wasted no time in making me pant with want. He was rough and greedy and gave me exactly what I needed. I could feel that I was on the edge and I just needed a little push.

"Jasper… so close… harder."

My hands gripped the sheets and my hips lifted of their own accord as he complied. My legs started to shake as my release started to build. When he flattened his tongue and added his fingers, I was a goner. All I saw was white as my release finally took me over. He slowly pumped in and out and lapped up my juices as I rode out my orgasm. And with a satisfied smile, I fell asleep.

* * *

Jasper stayed mad at me for the rest of the next day and I kept trying to apologize but I really couldn't help it. I did feel bad but I was pregnant and my exhaustion took over. Eventually I repaid Jasper with an all-night sex marathon and soon all was forgiven.

Once I hit 21 weeks, everything was going great. I felt like a whale and was having more sex then I thought possible. I was also stuffing my face and eating like it was my last meal. I had been feeling a little under the weather but I just chalked it up to pickles and ice cream. Not exactly the best combination. I was Two days from 22 weeks and my doctor's appointment. And I was excited to see the progress that my baby was making! This kid would not stay still either and as much as I hate to admit it, there were a few times where this kid did a swan dive on my bladder.

Alice was over today helping me organize my closet since we needed to make room for the baby. She was going on and on about the difference between wooden and satin hangers so I left her alone while I went and got a bowl of Strawberry ice cream and rice crispies! I out a little bit of banana in it for nutrition and headed back into my room where I sat on my bed and put the bowl on my stomach, it was the perfect table!

"So what do you think?"

"Whaeba you say Awice!"

She caught me with a mouth full of yumminess.

"Isabella Swan, were you even listening to what I was saying?"

"Honestly, no! I went to the kitchen and got a bowl of Heaven! You're gonna do what you want anyway so there's really no point in me fighting it."

She glared and I giggled. It was true; there really was no arguing with her. Plus she was good at it and always took my style into things when she would re-decorate so I never worried when she came over. I started to shift my position, which was the equivalent of moving a house, and then I felt a searing pain move through my lower abdomen. I dropped the ice cream and clutched my stomach.

"Ugh, ow ow ow… oh my god, ow!"

"Bella? Bella what's wrong?"

Alice had come over and was kneeling in front of me trying to get me to breathe through the pain. Finally it started to subside and I was able to breathe normally.

"I think this kid is trying to kill me, Alice!"

"Are you sure you're ok Bella? That looked pretty serious."

"Really, I think it was nothing. But I really have to pee, can you help me up?"

"Yeah, but I'm gonna call Jasper while you're in there."

"Alice, let him have fun with the guys. Besides, Rose is on her way and then we're going to movies, remember?"

"Yeah but still, he has a right to know."

"Alice, I'll tell him when he gets home. Just let him have a day to relax okay?"

She didn't say anything as we walked to the bathroom and I knew there was no point in arguing, she was gonna call him.

I got into the bathroom and sat down to pee. I noticed that there was a little blood on my underwear but I remembered my doctor saying that spotting was normal so I didn't freak out, until I wiped. I looked into the toilet bowl and noticed that I was bleeding nonstop and then I felt a new pain shoot through my body. I dropped to the toilet and clutched my stomach as the tears started to pour out.

"ALICE! ALICE HELP ME!"

I faintly heard her say, "Jasper hold on" before she came storming into my bathroom. By this point I had fallen on the floor with how much pain I was in.

"Oh my God, Jasper we're going to the hospital. I don't have time to explain, JUST GET TO THE HOSPITAL."

Then Rosalie got there and walked into the bathroom as Alice was trying to pull up my pants.

"Rose, there's so much blood. Call an ambulance, NOW!"

"There's no time, ill drive, let's go."

With strength I didn't know she had, Rosalie lifted me up and ran me to her car. She put me in the Back seat with Alice and took off like a bat out of hell. I was in so much pain that I couldn't even talk. All I could do was scream and cry. The pain was getting worse and there was nothing I could do to stop it. Rosalie was up front trying to say things to calm me down but I couldn't hear any of it. All I could here was the flow of blood in my ears and my own heartbeat. I looked up front and saw that Rosalie was covered in my blood. It scared the shit out of me, and then when I looked down I saw Alice's tiny hands were also bloody. We came to a screeching halt in front of the E.R. and Rose ran out of the car and when she returned there were a team of nurses and doctors. I started to freak out until I felt a familiar hand grasp my own, Jasper was with me. And then the world went black.

* * *

I woke up to this annoying beeping sound and the familiar smell of hand sanitizer and purified air. I was in the hospital. It was all real, and not a dream. I felt the tears fall and then opened my eyes. I was happy that when I brought my hand to my stomach, it was still there. Jasper noticed the movement and sat up. He came to sit on the bed with me and looked into my eyes while grabbing my hand.

"Hey baby, how are you feeling?"

"Kinda groggy, what happened? Is the baby ok?"

"Shhh, the baby is fine but we need to talk to the doctor. I'll go get him."

He was lying to me and I knew it. He wouldn't look me in the eye and was all too eager to get away from me. Something was seriously wrong. A few seconds later he walked back in with the doctor in tow.

"Hello Bella, how are you feeling?"

"Groggy, and a little disoriented. How's the baby? What happened?"

"Well Bella, it seems that you have developed a case of _Placenta Previa_ as well as _Pre-Eclampsia. Placenta Previa_ is where the placenta attaches itself to the uterine wall close to or over the cervix. What that causes is an _Antepartum Hemorrhage_ or vaginal bleeding. Unfortunately with your case, you also have _Pre-Eclampsia, _which in your case is a pregnancy induced hypertension. Your blood pressure rises and can cause harm to you and the baby. I'm sorry to tell you that your case is advanced and the only option we have is to deliver."

That last sentence hit me like a Mack truck. It was too early, the baby wasn't ready. Was he telling me…

"But it's too early, the baby won't survive."

I started to cry and Jasper was by my side with tears in his eyes.

"Yes Bella, I'm truly sorry but that is really the only option. I wish I had better news for you."

He did look truly sorry but right now I was scared and angry and I just couldn't think straight. The baby rolled in my stomach and then it hit me. My baby is still alive.

"But, the baby is still moving; maybe it can have a chance. What if I just lay here and not move for just a few more weeks. Please, there has to be another option, this can't be the only way. My baby is still alive, what's gonna happen to my baby?"

By this point I was crying hysterically and couldn't control the sobs that were coming out. Jasper just held me as I cried and cried with me while we both calmed down. The doctor stepped out for a moment to give us some privacy and when I finally stopped crying, he stepped back in.

"Again Bella, I'm sorry. But I have to tell you how this is going to happen so that you're prepared."

I just nodded my head, not trusting my voice.

"We're going to give you some medication that is going to induce your labor. You will go through a vaginal delivery and give birth. The baby will most likely pass away going through the birth canal. I am so sorry."

I just started to cry as I realized that this was actually happening. I was losing my baby. Jasper and I held each other for what felt like forever. The nurse came in and offered a sympathetic smile as she administered the Pitocin. Jasper left the room for a minute to go and tell everyone in the waiting room what was going on. Alice, Rosalie, Jaspers mom, and my mom walked in a few minutes later and a fresh wave of tears started. They all sat on the bed and hugged me as I wept. After a few minutes we all pulled apart and dried our eyes. I noticed that Rosalie and Alice had cleaned up but they were still wearing their blood stained clothes.

"Why don't you guys go home and shower and change? The doctor said it's gonna be a while."

"Edward and Emmett are going to get us a change of clothes and drop off my car to the detailer. They said they'd be back in a little bit."

"Oh my god Rosalie, your car. I'm so sorry, let me pay for it."

"Don't you for one second apologize Bella, you are more important that some stupid car. And no, you will not pay for a thing. I love you and that's all that matters."

"Rosalie, it's a fully restored 1967 GTO, you just had the interior re-done. I'm gonna pay for it."

"I didn't like the color anyway, so don't worry about it."

I just smiled and nodded, trying not to cry, when a contraction hit me. Both Alice and my mom were on either side of me holding my hands while Rosalie and Esme were talking me through my breathing. This pretty much went on for the better part of five hours until I was finally fully dilated. Jasper was by my side holding my hand when the doctor came in.

"Well Bella, it looks like its time."

"We're gonna go wait in the waiting room Bella."

"No, please stay. I want all of you to meet your niece or nephew, if you want."

"Of course Bella, just let us know if it gets uncomfortable with you."

My mom took up residence on the other side of my while my dad stayed quiet in the corner. I knew this was hard on him too. He had just gotten used to the fact that I was pregnant and was finally talking to me about how excited he was; now his hopes and dreams along with ours were being taken away. Esme and Carlisle stood to the side of their son and silently offered their support.

After about 20 minutes of pushing, I finally gave birth to our son. He weighed a little under a pound and fit in the palms of our hands. We named him Benjamin Joshua Swan Whitlock and he was the most beautiful baby that I had ever seen. The nurse cleaned off his little body, wrapped him in a tiny blanket, and handed him to his daddy. Jasper held him and cooed to him and told him how much he loved him. Once I had pushed out the afterbirth and got cleaned up I was finally able to hold my son.

The amount of love I felt for him was impalpable. I wished more than anything that I could see his little chest rise and fall as he slept or see him move just a little bit. I had created this beautiful boy and I would only be allowed to look upon his face for mere moments when I should have had a lifetime with him. Our son was passed around to our friends and parents and then finally back to us. Our family priest arrived a short time later and we baptized out son. Everyone went out to the waiting room and let Jasper and I have a few moments alone with our son. We just sat there and stared at him. We had made him and he was perfect. I couldn't help the fact that I felt cheated, that I had done something to deserve this pain. I started to cry so hard I thought I might die from lack of oxygen. Our son was dead, never even having had a chance to live.

"It's my entire fault Jasper, I should have known. Why didn't I know sooner? I could have stopped this. Our son is dead and it's my entire fault."

"No no no, sweetheart. This isn't your fault. Sometimes these things just happen. There was no way of knowing, you couldn't have stopped it. Please don't blame yourself; I love you and our son more than anything. Please Bella, don't blame yourself."

Then there was a knock on the door.

"I'm sorry but its time."

The nurse came closer and I swear if I could have moved I would have killed her. I wasn't ready to let go of my son just yet. I hadn't had enough time with him. I needed him like I needed air to breathe and I just wasn't ready. I was yelling at this poor woman as I held my son close to me. Finally jasper got her to leave.

"Please, can you just wait outside? We just need a few more minutes. I'll bring him out myself, I promise."

She nodded and then left the room. As I lay there with Benjamin and Jasper I didn't know how I would go back to normal. I did not know how I could go back to not being a mother, to not being pregnant. Jasper and I held Benjamin for a little while longer and memorized his little hands and feet, the little curves of his face, we memorized our son, this beautiful creation we made together until it was finally time to let him go. I gave him one final kiss and held him one last time as Jasper picked him to carry him out to the nurse.

"Jasper, will you take him, please? Make sure he's safe and that they do a good job taking care of him. Please?"

"Of course I will, love. Just try and get some rest now. I love you."

Jasper gave me a kiss on the forehead and I kissed my son one last time and then they were gone. I broke down. I cried for what felt like hours until I just couldn't cry anymore. It had been a long and emotional day and finally sleep overtook me.

When I finally woke up it was dark and quiet. I realized that I was alone in my room and I was hungry. I hadn't eaten since that bowl of ice cream and that felt like I lifetime ago. I looked around the room for a call button but couldn't find the damn thing. I heard voices out front and tried to call out to someone but with all the crying I had done my voice finally gave out. I finally found a Snickers and I started salivating. It was on the portable tray at the end of my bed and I couldn't reach it. I tried everything but no matter what I did I couldn't get to that damn Snickers. I tried moving it with my toes and finally got a little leverage. I eventually got it moved up to within arm's reach and I ripped that wrapper off and devoured it in two bites. Once I was done I laid back and took what felt like my first real breath in hours.

Then Jasper walked in and the first thing he said was, "where'd my Snickers go?"

I couldn't help but laugh and then laugh some more until I was crying from laughing so hard. I knew then, with that one Snickers that somehow, I would be ok. Jasper and I would get through this together and we would never forget out little Benjamin Joshua…

* * *

**_So, I was going to break it up in to two chapters but I thought that was too big of a cliffie and i didn't want death threats. Please review and let me know what you thought. I know that its a little hard to read but it was also hard to write. If any of my readers have experienced this, I am truly sorry for the pain that you have had to go through and I hope that I did it justice. Until next chapter lovies!_**

**_XOXOXO_**

**_Dsmrm2023_**


	14. Germany

I felt the tears flow from my face as I remembered my little Benjamin Joshua….

The months following the death of my son were some of the hardest of my life. I was in counseling and trying to move past what had happened but it was so difficult to move on. I was the worst person to be around, and poor Jasper took most of my wrath. I was so caught up in my grief that I couldn't see that Jasper was hurting as well. I was selfish in thinking that I was the only one who had lost a son. Jasper was going back to Texas in two weeks and I flat out refused to go with him. I couldn't handle the constant reminder of what had been lost and I started to shut him out.

A few days before he left, we finally had a breakthrough. It took a lot of yelling and screaming but we finally learned how to grieve together. That night was the first night we had made love since we lost Benjamin. I felt a little part of my heart slip back into place that night and knew that I had to make things right with Jasper and I before he left. I still didn't want to go back to Texas just to get shipped right back home. I knew that sooner rather than later, Jasper was going to get deployed again and I didn't want to have to deal with going back and forth. Call me selfish but I just couldn't handle it all over again.

The next morning I woke up early and made Jasper breakfast in bed. He deserved it after having to deal with me and my insanity for the past few months. We ate in a comfortable silence and once the food was gone I started talking.

"Jasper, I need to apologize for being so bitchy with you. Before you tell me not to apologize and say that I had every reason to feel this way, I have to tell you that I do have to apologize and I had no right. I know that we lost something together and that's how we should handle it, together. I shut you out because it hurt too much to deal with it. I'm so, so sorry!"

By then the tears were flowing and I couldn't stop them. Jasper wrapped his arms around me and just held me as I cried. He whispered his own apologies and told me that no matter what he would always love me and always be there for me. We spent the rest of the morning in bed talking. It was exactly what we both needed.

All too soon it was time for Jasper to leave. We said our goodbyes at home and he promised to call me when he got to Texas. The months flew by while he was gone. Either I would fly out to see him or he would fly out to see me. We talked as often as possible and then the time came. He had gotten his new orders and was being deployed again. I was more prepared this time around and willed myself to be strong. He got two weeks leave before he deployed and we spent almost every moment of it together. The second day he was home we went to the tattoo shop and got matching tattoos of our little Benjamin's tiny foot prints. He got his on his chest over his heart and I got mine on my back on my shoulder. They both had Benjamin's name and the day he came into this world and left it just as quickly. That tattoo helped us both heal just a little bit more.

The night before Jasper left I almost lost it. Everyone with a significant other in the service will tell you that sometimes you just get these feelings, and you just know things aren't gonna go right. I was having one of these feelings. I had to go for a walk so that I didn't let him see me this way. I was scared out of my mind that I would get a phone call or that I would get the knock on my door to tell me that my Jasper was dead. I finally was able to calm myself down and head back home. Jasper didn't need to see me this way. He had enough to worry about and I didn't need him to worry about me too.

When I got back home Jasper was waiting for me on the porch.

"You okay darlin'?" he asked concerned. "I'm better." I quietly replied. "Want to talk about it?" he asked those five words that I both loved and hated. But right now I just couldn't, so I said, "Not really, I just want to enjoy my time with you." I smiled up at him and he wrapped his arms around me. We just stood there holding each other for a while. We didn't need to speak, he knew what I was thinking and I knew that he was silently telling me that it was all going to be ok.

Jasper left the next day and we started our slow dance of phone calls, emails, and Skype. He had been gone for two months and was told that this deployment was going to be a short turnaround. I was ecstatic that I only had to wait a few more months before he was home! I woke up one morning to a phone call and a bad feeling. My mom came rushing into my room and handed me the phone. My heart sank and I almost passed out. All I heard was, "shot twice, "medevac'd to Germany," "critical condition," "and you should get here as soon as possible." I threw whatever I could into a bag and was out of the house in three minutes with my mom hot on my heels. I made it to the airport in record time and caught the first flight out. I spent the whole flight worried out of my mind and just kind of zoned out. Before I knew it, we were landing and I was grabbing my carry on and rushing out of the airport. I flagged down the first taxi I saw and made my way to Landstuhl Regional Medical Center (LRMC), made it through security and was running into the hospital. They paged someone for me and then a doctor came out to meet me.

"Mrs. Whitlock?"

"Swan, Bella, Soon to be Mrs. Whitlock," I was so flustered I couldn't speak correctly. "Just call me Bella. Is he ok? Can I see him?"

The doctor gave me an amused expression and said, "Well Ms. Bella, Jasper was on patrol and they came under heavy fire. He made sure all his men were safe before he started to pull away. On his way out of the heavy fire he came across a wounded soldier and pulled him to safety. Unfortunately there was no one to watch his six and he took a shot to the left shoulder and another to the right leg. We were able to stabilize him enough for transfer and once he arrived we immediately took him to surgery. It looked as though he wasn't going to make it. You have a very lucky fiancée, Ms. Swan! His GSW to the shoulder was clean and through and through. His leg was a little more difficult. The bullet skimmed a main artery but didn't puncture it. Had it been a few centimeters over, I'm afraid your fiancée would have lost the ability to give you children."

I gasped in shock and put my hand to my mouth. My eyes were blurry with unshed tears and I asked, "Can I see him?" He smiled warmly at me and replied, "Of course Ms. Swan. He should be waking up soon." I was so relieved that the doctor thought that he was going to be okay. "Thank you so much Doctor…" he extended his hand and replied, "Smith, James Smith." I took his hand and gratefully shook it, "Thank you so much for everything Doctor Smith. I can't tell you how relieved I am." He gave me a kind smile and said, "Let's get you to that fiancée of yours! Apparently the whole time they were trying to stabilize him all he was saying was 'Izzy is gonna be so mad at me.'" We both laughed at that and he led me into a recovery room.

When I saw him, the unshed tears finally fell. I could hear the steady rhythm of his heartbeat and the fact that it was beating steadily on its own brought me comfort. Doctor Smith left after a moment and told me that if I needed anything just to push the nurses button. I slowly made my way into the room and pulled up a chair next to his bed. I sat there and just stared at him for a moment. His leg and shoulder were bandaged as well as tiny cuts and gashes all over his body. I carefully grabbed his hand and held it firmly in my own. His hand tightened around my own and I felt comfort in knowing that he knew I was there.

Exhaustion had finally caught up with me and I couldn't fight it anymore. I fell asleep holding Jaspers hand and woke up a few hours later when I felt him move. I sat up quickly and watched his eyes flutter open and let out a breath I didn't even know I was holding. He was awake, he was alive! I stood up and sat on his bed and ran my hand along the side of his face. He closed his eyes and leaned into my touch. I held back the tears and whispered, "Hey baby". He responded with, "Are you mad at me?" I couldn't help but laugh. "Of course I'm mad at you! You broke your promise that I would never get THAT phone call. But I'm so relieved that you are alive and that we can still have kids that I'll let it go, THIS time!" I laughed. "What do you mean still have kids?" he asked curiously. I told him I would go get the doctor and have him explain and told him not to move a muscle while I was gone. The last thing I needed was for him to think he was Rambo and try to get out of bed and tear something, which is entirely probable considering it was Jasper.

I went to the nurses' station and told them that Jasper was awake and they said the doctor should be in within a few minutes. I walked back to the room with a huge smile on my face, he was safe. I walked in and took my seat at the side of the bed and told him the doctor would be in shortly. He tried to keep up conversation but he was exhausted and started to drift. A few minutes later the doctor came in and checked his vitals and his dressings. He filled Jasper in on what had happened. When the doctor had told him that he almost lost his testicles he turned white as a sheet and his hand automatically went down to make sure they were still there. We spent two weeks in Germany and then got the all clear to go stateside where Jasper would resume his physical therapy. I was so happy to have him with me and that we were heading home!

After a very long flight and a short drive, we were pulling into the driveway. Now, these military men are big, tough, and strong. That is until they get injured and then they turn into three year olds. Trying to get Jasper the hundred feet from the driveway to the house was worse than trying to chase a child in a toy store. Once we were finally in the house he insisted on using the restroom alone and almost fell over. Then as I was unpacking he hopped his way into the bedroom and without thinking, threw himself on the bed on his injured shoulder. The scream that fell from his lips was equivalent to that of a five year old girl. I felt bad for laughing because I knew he was in pain but I just couldn't help it. I finally got his travel clothes off and his jammies on and put him to bed. I wasn't tired so I started to do some laundry and got a chance to catch up with my mom. I hadn't realized how much I had missed her until I was in her arms and getting the best mom hug I could ever imagine. We sat down on the couch and talked for a while. I let out the tears that I had been holding and just as I was starting to fall asleep on the couch I heard Jasper scream and I booked it to our room.

I thought maybe he had rolled over the wrong way but he was just as I had left him. He was remembering, and all I could do was sit there and wait until he woke up. Waking someone up who has PTSD is probably one of the worst things you could ever do. I learned that they have to ride it out and wake up on their own and then you can comfort and reassure them, and that's what I did. About five minutes later Jasper woke up panting and looking around. He couldn't sit up and he really wanted to so I walked over to him and helped him. He wrapped his good arm around me, laid his head on my shoulder and just relaxed into me. I wrapped my arms around him and soothingly rubbed his back until his breathing started to even out. I shakily asked him, "You wanna talk about it?" he shook his head and asked me to lay down with him. I agreed and within minutes we were both sound asleep and slept peacefully throughout the night.

When I woke up the next morning Jasper was still sleeping. I didn't want to wake him but I remembered that I had left the laundry in the washer and I had to put it in the dryer. I was about to get up and then I noticed all of the neatly stacked piles of clothes and thanked God for my amazing mother. Without another thought I rolled over and fell into a wonderful dreamless sleep. When I finally woke up Jasper was sitting up in bed looking down at me. I rubbed my eyes and asked what time it was and was shocked that it was three in the afternoon. His first physical therapy appointment wasn't until tomorrow so we had the rest of the day to catch up with everyone.

Jaspers parents came over for an early dinner and they were elated to see their son. Esme and Carlisle both gave their son a once over and told them how proud they were of him. Esme was reluctant to leave but I reassured her that we were just three doors down and she could call and come over whenever she wanted. They finally left and we quickly retreated back to our bedroom and fell asleep just as quickly as the night before. It was a peaceful sleep and we woke up the next morning feeling refreshed. I helped Jasper bathe and got him ready for lunch. We were meeting everyone at our favorite diner and then headed to physical therapy. Once we got to the diner door Jasper grabbed my arm, I looked back to see a panicked look on his face. "Please Izzy," he said in a whisper, "don't make me go in there." I thought he was looking forward to seeing our friends so I was confused. I had to ask, "What's wrong Jasper?" he put his head down, as if shameful and replied, "I don't want them to see me like this."

Then it clicked, he was afraid of their reaction. Not only were there the gunshot wounds but there were deep red scars all over his face, neck, arms, and almost the rest of him. They looked angry, and because of that, they made him sad. I understood and headed back to the car with him. I sent a text to everyone telling them that Jasper wasn't feeling well and that we would all get together when he was feeling up to it. I asked him what he wanted to do and he said that he just wanted to drive until the appointment. I started the car and we just drove. No words were spoken, but I knew that we would be okay when he reached over and held my hand.

As the weeks flew by Jasper finally reached a place of comfort. He had been to see a therapist, against his wishes, and it had helped more than he and I thought possible. After his first session he was finally able to see our friends and not feel ashamed. The scars started to lighten and he was doing extremely well at physical therapy. He had a moment of complete self loathing and just plain refused to do anything. I tried to be understanding because I knew that he was going through something I would never understand. But when he stopped eating, I had had enough. It had been two days and he refused to eat, drink, talk, or shower. All he wanted to do was sleep and stay in our room with the curtains and the door closed. It was driving me crazy and call me a bitch, but something had to be done. After he refused breakfast on the third day I marched my ass into our room and threw the curtains open. He sat up and was getting ready to yell at me but I beat him to it. "You listen and you listen good Jasper Whitlock. I WILL NOT have you like this. I know I don't understand and I don't get it, I never will. But I cannot and will not live a life like this. I can't help you if you WON'T help yourself. I refuse to be your wife if this is the man that I have to wake up and fall asleep to every day. You were shot, you are not paralyzed. You need to stop feeling sorry for yourself and get your ass up. You need to eat and you need to shower, you smell. The only way you're going to get back over there, which is what I know that you want, is to go to physical therapy and start letting people in again. If you don't think that you can do that for me, then do it for yourself. Decide quickly, because I can't take much more. You still have your room at your parents; decide if you need to use it."

With that, I took off my ring and threw it on the bed. I knew that it was mean and harsh, but I meant what I said. I refused to live my life that way. I wanted children and there was no way that I was going to have children with a man that was miserable. I sat at the dining room table for what felt like hours, but was really only about five minutes, when Jasper walked out of our room. He sat down on my left side, took my hand in his and slipped my ring back on. I let out the breath I was holding and let the tears of relief fall. Jasper brushed the tears off my cheeks and said, "Please don't ever take this off again. I love you so much it hurts and the thought of not being with you makes me want to vomit. I'm sorry that I've been so difficult. I just have a lot that I need to work out. I promise that I am not going anywhere and that you are my forever. Please don't ever doubt how much you mean to me." Then he kissed me like his life depended on it until we couldn't breathe. We sat there with our foreheads together until he finally said, "I'm starving darlin, feed me!" I couldn't help it, I laughed.

A few nights later we both had fallen asleep early. I woke up thirsty so I took a sip of the water on my night stand and then lay back down snuggled into Jasper. I moved my hand down his chest and to my side and in the process I brushed Jaspers erection. I looked up and saw that he was still asleep so I figured he must be having a pretty great dream! Then I realized just how long it had been since we were together and at that moment all I wanted was to make love to my fiancé. I moved down the bed and gently removed Jaspers hardened length from his pajama bottoms and stroked a few times before finally taking him in my mouth. Instinctually Jaspers hips lifted a little and a moan escaped his mouth. Then suddenly his eyes flew open and he looked at me looking at him as I lick him from base to tip. He threw his head back and let out a growl. A soft and tight "fuck" left his lips and I smiled as I worked knowing it was because of me that he was feeling his pleasure. After a few minutes he told me to stop and undress, so I did as was told! He guided my body where he wanted it and I soon found myself sitting on his face and before I had a chance to say anything his mouth was on me.

I felt his hands ghost up my thighs and then around to my ass where he squeezed and pulled me harder onto his mouth. I was lost in my pleasure as I felt his tongue probing in and out. He tilted my hips a little and then I felt him sucking, nipping, and licking my clit and that was all that it took to send me over the blissful edge. He slowly, lavishly moved his tongue up and down my swollen bundle of nerves as I came down from one of the best orgasms of my life. I carefully moved down his body and kissed him with everything in me. As we were making out I grabbed his cock in my hand and stroked a few times before lining him up with my entrance and lowering down. I was gentle at first but then I started getting into it. I looked at Jaspers face and what I thought was pleasure, turned out to be a lot of pain. Jaspers leg wound was getting hit by my fat ass and he didn't say anything. I stopped and leaned into his face and asked him what was wrong. He tried to brush it off but I knew better. "Baby, tell me what's wrong" he let out a tiny whimper that sounded like a wounded dog. I held in the laugh and he thought it best if we switched positions. So he put me on my back, lined himself up and ever so slowly started to thrust. I was in heaven! He put his face in my neck and started to kiss that sweet spot that I loved so much. I felt him suck in a deep breath and then felt wetness on my neck. I grabbed his face and saw that he was crying. I rolled him on his back and was genuinely concerned. I thought maybe I had hit him or something. I kept asking him what was wrong and he threw his uninjured arm over his face and tried to stop crying. Once he calmed down he finally spoke in a soft petulant voice, "I'm upset because I can't make love to you. It hurts to be on the bottom and it hurts to put pressure on my arm when I'm on top. I just want to fuck you, hard! And I can't. I feel worthless." Then I couldn't help it, I laughed. "Baby, I want the same thing but I know I have to be patient. You were patient with me; let me be patient for you. Just because we can't do what we are used to doesn't mean we can't find new ways. But in the mean time…" I wrapped my hand around his softening flesh and felt it start to grow in my hands. I brought him to the edge and pulled back a few times before I finally let him release in my mouth. The look on his face was priceless and I smiled knowing that it was me that did that but more importantly that I was the only person that he ever wanted to do that to him. We both fell asleep with smiles on our faces.

We eventually did find positions that worked for us and we used them, often! Jasper completed his physical therapy and was in fine form when he made the decision to go back overseas. I knew it was going to happen but it didn't make it any easier. We spent the rest of his leave together and even made a trip to Disneyland. The time finally came for him to leave and I held it together as best I could. I put a letter in his pack that he could read on the plane and once the tears stopped I rushed home and found the one he had left on my bed.

**Hey everyone! Well, I know its been forever and I pretty much left everyone hanging for the better part of a year. I'm really really REALLY sorry. The muses decided to pack up and run and I have had a complicated year. I tried to write but everything that came out was complete crap. I must have written this chapter about 30 times. I'm not going to make any false promises of updating every week but I will be updating more frequently then once a year lol BIG HUGE THANK YOU SHOUT OUT to my beta/bff/estrella/asslove for life (she knows what that means lol), kick ass pre reader starryeyedauthor! She kicks ass and keeps me in check lol She's just starting her first fic and its pretty awesome! Check it out when you get a chance! Reviews make me happy so hit that button and let me know what you think! See you guys next chapter!**


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